THE BLIND GLASS RAGE

19

Finally, someone hit it. And much to our short-lived disappointment, we couldn't tell which one of us finally made the fatal shot to that piece of plastic, but it was all erased with the happy bloom in Audrey's cheeks when Parker got her that stuffed animal. The worker didn't even look like he cared all that much. Like he probably would've let us buy it had we asked another time. Either way, the positive feelings swelling inside of me made me want to play enough carnival games to last the rest of my life.

"Funnel cake?" Josh questioned, looking at me from where he stood a few feet away. The air between us was undoubtedly charged with all the electricity inside of us, and it sat there, buzzing and lying and waiting, waiting for one of us to walk forward and right into it. Maybe I would, maybe I wouldn't.

~~~

They had benches and sets of tables all over the place (along with designated smoking areas that Parker didn't have to excuse himself over to once), and the five of us made our way over to one of the cleaner tables. Most of them were littered with ketchup and trash, which wasn't a surprise, really, so we just looked to find the one that wouldn't make it look like we had a period, due to a ketchup stain.

Josh sat across from me and next to Noah, while Parker sat next to me. The smell of funnel cake made my stomach churn, and had always made me feel sick for the longest time, but I said nothing about it. Because I could ignore it, and let anything negative dissipate in the midst of the happiness I was feeling. Because this, I felt, was where I belonged. Laughing with people I cared about, and squinting against the sun that stabbed at my eyes. This was as great as it was going to get, because nothing compared to the feelin laced through me. Freedom and light. Fucking light.

Nothing could take the glow from me, really, and the entire mood I was in escalated to something insanely beautiful as soon as we got onto the ferris wheel. The soon-to-be vet was afraid of heights, so Josh and I rode in the same cart. He was scared, too, and I could tell from how tightly the tendons in his arms were strung. His hand trembled when he moved it up to his face, brushing that attacking piece of hair away from his skin. Because we were moving upward, and because Noah wasn't paying attention, I grabbed at his hand with my fingers, and brought it down to the small space between our legs. I wanted to keep him there, and wanted him to know how much I loved him with every beat of my heart, in one way or another way.

"Don't be scared," I mummered. "I've got you."

"You always do." He spoke, through gritted teeth and a clenched jaw, eyes locked on some point in the distance that had nothing to do with our distance from the ground. Heights weren't a problem from me, but Josh hated rollercoasters and anything that travelled abnormally, and this fit into that category. I was just thankful he let me comfort him in the first place.

"Let's talk about something other than this," I started out, turning to face him as much as I could in this small space. His other hand, that wasn't in mine, was tight on the railing, and I could feel every inch of his palm pressed to mine. It made breathing just a bit more difficult.

"Okay." He said shortly.

"What's your new favorite color?"

"They haven't changed, Tyler," he smiled. "Red and purple."

Everyone knew, back in grade school, that we were going to be inseperable. There was no Tyler without Josh, or Josh without Tyler. Everyone was aware of the whole package deal that friends like us were, and I think back on those times, when everything was simple, and I didn't hunger for his touch or his lips or his attention. Attention, maybe, because he and I have always been there for each other. To hold each other's hands on Ferris wheels.