In Search of Tomorrow ✓

Thirty-Four

"Stop it, Cameron," I complained, trying to wrench myself out of his grip. A tear was already slipping out of my eye. "You're going to make me late for math."

He didn't let go, just tipped my chin up with one finger so that my face was tilted up to his. He studied me for a few seconds, his blue eyes intense, and then said, "Tell me what's wrong, Evelyn. Please. I want to help."

I choked over my breath. "You can't help," I said. "You can't come in and save the day, and you're never going to make any of this better. Stop trying, Cameron."

When I tried to push him away, his grip on me tightened, but I was too angry for it hurt. "Go away," I snapped.

I saw that other students leaving the parking lot were starting to look at us concernedly, but I didn't care. "Cameron Maddox," I hissed. "Get off of me and please, go away."

That was when I broke down, and before I knew it I'd buried my head in his chest and was sobbing.

He was clearly confused by the sudden change, but within a few seconds he'd wrapped his arms around me and was hugging me tightly. Neither of us said anything, and I knew I was staining his plaid button-down shirt with my tears but didn't even care.

I didn't know how long it was before I stopped crying, but it was long enough for the parking lot to clear out and the bell to ring. When my sobs finally reduced to sniffles, and I'd reached back into the car for my backpack, I saw that Cameron was standing a little ways away with his hands in his pockets.

"I'm sorry, Evelyn," he said as I shut the car down and swung my backpack over my shoulders. He carefully wiped away the mascara tracks running down my cheeks and then curled his arm around my waist. "I feel bad taking you to prom when you have so much else going on."

"I don't even think I want to go anymore," I said.

His shoulders slumped, but he said, "Then we won't go. It's fine, Evelyn. Whatever I can do to make you feel better, I'll do."

That made me feel even worse, and when we got inside I pulled away from him and hurried to pre-calc, wondering when my life had become so messed up.

While I was at school, Katie kept me up-to-date on Clare's status through texts. She spent her entire day outside of Clare's room, speaking to the nurses. I wondered when she'd become so interested in my little sister's wellbeing.

During lunch, I was slightly cheered up because Katie had texted me saying that Clare was reacting well to the surgery from the previous night. I was planning on visiting her after school, and a crazy part of me was hoping she would be awake by then.

My afternoon classes dragged as always. When I opened my locker at the end of the day to take out the books I needed for homework and saw the paper airplanes with the cute messages written on them, my heart sank a little. I wanted to go to prom, but at the same time, I knew I would never be able to enjoy myself the way Clare was.

"You all right, Caverly?"

I turned around and saw Cameron standing a little ways behind me, carrying his science textbook in one arm. I'd told him everything during lunch, which had gotten me crying again, and the rest of the day had gone around with puffy eyes and a splotchy face.

"I'm fine," I said, which was a lie, but I'd lied to everyone the entire day about my condition, so what was one more time? Then I turned back to my locker so that Cameron couldn't see my face, even though I could feel him staring at me, which was almost just as bad.

"When are you going to start telling me the truth, Evelyn?" he asked.

I didn't turn around. "I am telling you the truth."

"No, you're not. Don't you think I know you better than that?"

Finally, I turned to face him again, this time with my math textbook in one hand. Without looking at him, I slung my backpack over my shoulders and slammed my locker shut with my foot. "I'm going to visit Clare," I said. "Want to come with me?"

"If you want me to."

I pursed my lips. How could one person make so many sacrifices for someone else? That was when I knew I had to go to prom. It wouldn't be fair to make him give up so much for me and never pay him back. If it was something he wanted to do, then I had to follow through with it.

"Have you bought my corsage for the prom yet?" I asked as he fell into step beside me.

He turned towards me, his eyebrows raised. "I cancelled the order. I thought we weren't going to prom?"

I shrugged and took his hand in mine, and I could practically feel him smiling as we left the school building and headed towards his SUV. It wasn't that I'd forgotten about Clare—I could still feel the burden like an empty hole in my gut that would never leave. But I couldn't live in the dark forever. At some point I knew I'd have to learn to let in the light.

A/N: I am SO sorry for the lack of updates. I've been crazy busy. Thank you all so much for the continued reading and comments!