Staying calm is becoming a past time. The ways to control my anger outburst are diminishing and almost obliterated. I want to be better and I want to be able to let things go and not get to me. I can feel my blood boiling, my face turning red, and my attitude worsening. Poor Otter. All he does is try to accommodate and I blow things out of proportion. Sometimes I don't know if I'm just being a bitch or I'm not able to control my emotions.
*breathe* they tell me, relax they say, take it easy, its not a big deal, you're stressing over nothing, take a deep breath...
fuck you
I walked over to Otters' office and asked if he was ready for lunch. He glanced down solemnly to show he wasn't without words. His face literally said it all. A soldier was staring at me who had just received a shot and was putting his top back on. I stared back. Fuck that guy. Anyways, he wasn't free for lunch and I asked what he wanted to do and he suggested to swap my time with others' in my section. I wish this anger wouldn't control me. I feel so sour about such a minor situation, what is my problem???
I'm a no good, fake, irresponsible, lazy, obese, obsessive, perfectionist who doesn't care for others' well being. Especially Otters...I wish I could call this depression but I think its merely an excuse for acting like a cunt.
How will people trust me with simple tasks? Watching their house, pets, or kids? Performing at work? What happens when I go to the promotion board and I become a sergeant? I will then have to be responsible for soldiers' well being, future endeavors', and emergency situations. But who would put an unstable individual with an expected consistent behavior held to a higher standard in charge of others? Not me.
