seventeen au

chan: catalyst

{ biology au }

rating: pg (no mature scenes, just a little angst) 

this is going to be really short + i haven't been active on here for so long so i don't really expect anyone to read it (but i want to express my thanks for 50k on exo imagines!)

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catalyst: a substance which can alter a chemical reaction without being chemically changed at the end of the reaction.  

lee chan really did use to love biology. 

but that was of course, a thing of the past. at a young age of seventeen, chan had experienced and been through things grown men of thirty, or even forty, would have never experienced. he was a mature, independent individual, unusually quiet most of the time but could be a bickering mess with his older friend soonyoung at times. 

one thing about chan, was that he was always frowning. he rarely smiled, and never gave away hints of feeling any positive emotions. he was polite  — almost too polite — and on the surface, appeared to be a model student and hardworking individual, free of any unnecessary worry and trouble. chan was often seen at the library, balancing a pile of books on one hand, and clutching a copy of the school's science magazine in the other. 

lee chan really did use to love biology. 

only soonyoung and a couple of his other friends knew how he truly felt towards the subject now. he appeared to have an enthusiastic approach to carrying out experiments, and even signed up for talks by renowned researchers regarding the possible modification of the human alimentary canal. he loved almost the topics there were to study, and he still did now, but there was without a doubt, one he could never bring himself to read up on - enzymes. 

it is common knowledge that enzymes are proteins that function and act as biological catalysts. while the class studied the denaturation of enzymes, chan was lost in his own world, remembering his so-called 'hands-on experience' with the topic. he remembered his very own catalyst, the catalyst that had remained the same after all these years, even after altering and changing him for good. 

it was some time last year, when he was barely sixteen. he had dated a girl, believed in her with his mind and his soul, believed that she would never leave him. he trusted her and trusted what she would do for him. he was the one who allowed her to treat him like trash, to scream and shout at him and pull his hair out when he didn't pay for her ice-cream. she had changed chan's perspective of dating so much that he could never look at any girl the same way again and willingly say that he loved her more than a friend.

he used to think romantic relationships with the opposite gender were built and very dependent on three things — trust, understanding and love. he did all those three things in that very first relationship. he trusted that she was a good person, understood that no girl could ever be perfect (and she was no exception) and loved her with all his heart, unconditionally.

but she didn't reciprocate any of the feelings he had towards her. 

her "i love you"s were all for show, just so that she could show off and boast to her friends that at the ripe age of sixteen she could handle a romantic relationship. 

well, she could handle abusing her poor boyfriend. but the 'poor boyfriend' couldn't handle the stress. 

chan used to break down very often in soonyoung's presence. he would weep and sob for all he was worth, crying out to no one in particular, praying and fervently hoping that this was all a dream. the one he so cherished actually loved him back. she was actually doing this because she was stressed...right? soonyoung had no dating experience, so all he could do to help was pat chan's back and whisper what he assumed were words of comfort. 

her name was hyeri. a beautiful name, one he would always remember until the day he lay on his deathbed, ready to be sent back to his Maker. she was his source of light and his sunshine, all the way until her skies turned dark and the rain came pouring down. she was the apple of his eye, until the relationship went stale and moldy. 

he loved her all the way until the end, but it broke his heart to know that she actually never loved him back. it broke his heart to know that she never regretted what she did to him, even when her friends found out their relationship was all just lies and pretense. 

she left such a great impact on his life but she barely changed even after the relationship was over.

wasn't she very much like a catalyst? 

people nowadays see catalysts as good substances that speed up reactions. they think faster is always better, and some even argue that change is good. but don't you think that sometimes, these catalysts appear to be very cold-hearted? they speed up or change chemical reactions but they themselves are not altered in any way. they are unfeeling substances, substances do not change even when they have changed others, be it for the better or for worse.

she was his catalyst. she changed his viewpoint and outlook of the world, treated him like trash, and never did care about him nor showed any visible signs of being affected even at the very end. 

lee chan really did use to love biology.

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examinations are coming so i decided to write this in honour of a friend  

(plot gaps galore)

- edaline