autumn

- one -

I never expected to be saying goodbye to the most important person in my life the day after finishing college, but here I am. 11 a.m stood next to my grandma and grandpa watching the men lower my dad's body into his grave. It was too much to handle, within the last three years I've lost both parents; sure it was difficult losing my mum but nothing will ever compare to the death of my dad. It was so unexpected and sudden. It broke me. With my mum the whole family and I were prepared; since she's been suffering with cancer for a year and a half, we were told it was found too late to do anything about it. So from the day we found out we were prepared for the worst. But my dad. My dad was just gone, all thanks to some dumb ass who decided it would be a good idea to drive home after a house party. And now my dad is dead because of their stupidity. I just don't know what to do with myself anymore. I'm not going to lock myself away or anything, it's just, I now live in a four bedroomed house with only my dog as company. At the age of 18, fresh out of year 13 and I live in a large family home alone with only a Labrador by my side.

My grandpa tapped my shoulder bringing me out of my thoughts. We were still stood by my father's grave but everyone else had gone home, they can start to move on with their lives. "Come on my love, you can stay with us for tonight. I'll get grandma to make your favourite dinner as well." my grandpa gave a warm smile taking my hand

"It's alright grandpa, I need to go home. I need to get used to being there without mum or dad anyway." he just nodded "You could always ask grandma to cook anyway" I gave a small smile and he just smiled and nodded as we walked to the car.

The drive back to my house was quiet, I didn't want to talk because I know I couldn't trust my voice not to break so I just stayed silent in the backseat. My grandpa pulled up outside my house, turning off the car and reached for the clicker for his seat belt, I stopped him before he could undo it.

"It's okay, you two can go home, I'll be okay. I'll order some pizza or something. Go home and rest. I'll call you tomorrow." I kissed both of their cheeks and got out the car and walked towards the front door. I turned round to wave bye to my grandparents as they pulled away beeping the horn and drove down the road. I let out a heavy sigh before getting my key out of my bag and unlocked the door. I stood alone in the large empty hallway just looking around, remembering all the memories that happened here in this house. My favourite memory being from when I was about 10 and I'd just lost at a massive dance competition. I was heartbroken, I felt like I'd disappointed everyone. It was the end of the world for 10 year old me. My dad wouldn't let me be sad about it, he never let me be sad about anything. Mum had phoned him and told him the bad news before I got home. So by the time I had got home and finally stopped crying, my dad was stood at the bottom of the stairs waiting for me with a medal, mini tiara and a puppy. We'd talked about getting a puppy for a while and this was the perfect time to get one apparently. I will never forget the day that Rocco came into my life. It was the best day. It showed me how much I meant to my dad and that he'd do anything to make sure I had a smile on my face at all times. I smiled at the memory as Rocco started to bark from the kitchen. As soon as I opened the kitchen door he came running towards me, I crouched down to be as close to his height as I could get and scratched his ears as he licked my face.

"Ew Rocco that's gross! Don't do that." I laughed pulling away "Come on boy, let's go into the living room and chill." He ran past me and jumped up onto his normal seat on the sofa, which is next to me on the two seater. The living room is a warm and cosy room with family pictures and old school photos of me on the wall, and some on the tables. It was oddly quiet so I turned on the TV and just watched friends for hours on end before I fell asleep on the sofa with Rocco's head on my lap. I woke up and checked my phone it was 8:30 p.m. Rocco wasn't in the room anymore and I suddenly felt alone. It's finally set in. Mum wasn't coming home. Dad wasn't coming home. But I always was. To this empty home. Just me and Rocco. I unlocked my phone and scrolled down to 'C' and called my best friend to see if they'll keep me company since Rocco was now in his bed and won't come out now unless he needs the toilet. After three rings they pick up "Hey Cal, will you come over for a bit please? I just need someone here that isn't a dog." I got up to unlock the front door so they can just walk in when they get here. "Okay the door is unlocked. I'll see you soon."

The photo is Abigail Halliday who I picture as Autumn