The World: An Introverts View

Why is life so shit?

Life is one big cycle filled with billions of cycles. From the nanosecond traits you are unaware of, the hourly routines, the daily and weekly ones right through to the decade ones. We knowingly participate in these routines without realising what it is we are really doing, for most of us its getting up to go to school, college or work. Why do we do it? To live? We are slaves to a system that has us believe living is about our financial wellbeing, that somehow there is no life beyond or before wealth, just an existence. Its funny because I know I exist but i sure as hell don't feel like I am living. I feel trapped in a world, ageing too quickly to reach a point where I don't have to live by the rules, live by the cycles; but in order to get there, I must sell my mind and body to the highest bidder so I can at least lie to myself that I am living when in fact I live to serve my employer. All this for money, the same morning rituals, the commute and all this to reach an end goal in life where we have served our time and win our freedom through some sort of bizarre acceptance that reaching a certain age means we are no longer required to sell ourselves to live but we are free to live. If I am worried now that I am ageing too quickly to truly live how the hell will I feel when I am 65? So why is life so shit? I am trapped in a 24/7 cycle with no end in sight. I want to see the world, to feel the world and to feel something more than I do. Loneliness is seen as a weakness brought upon myself by me, social anxiety is because I am weird and my general grumpiness is because thats who I am. I hate that most people cannot see past that, see who I am and understand me, I am a normal (what is a normal person?) person but this shit existence of life has beat me down. I am not looking for a hand out, in fact I am only writing this because it feels good to write about it, helps me think about life, but the fact is this, (a little bit of theology bashing now) I do not have the same places to turn to as a lot of people do, I do not have a god to put my faith in to justify why I have been dealt a worse scenario than others and if there was a god I would ask god, why the fuck did you make life so fucking unfair? (And thats considering that I am in a much better place than billions of people probably are) - but my lack of faith doesn't let me justify to myself that there is some mysterious reason as to why my life is the way it is and it has greater meaning in infinity. I am alive now, today and I want to live beyond the barriers we have created for ourselves but is it really possible to break free and live outside of these? Can life be better than the shit it is? I don't know but I will keep searching for it.....