Why Squirrels Cannot Repopulate the Earth

Dishes Can't Tousil Non-existant Hair

(By spree45)

Darkness.
Deep darkness.
Darker than the void where my soul should be.
A deep slumber. No thoughts or feelings, just a detached sense of existence. Nothingness swallowing nothingness.
Then light.
A blinding light.

Brighter than a thousand ever-existing suns.
The creatures eyes squint, having never know the light.
Never known the act of seeing.
A first blink. Another blink. It is in this silence, nothing is known but the light and the darkness. Is it ignorance? No, I should think it is the opposite. The polar opposite, indeed. For nothing existed but that light. So, all things were known in that moment. That simple light was all the collective knowledge there was, all being witnessed by only the creature.
The creature became conscious of the world around it.
It became aware of it's senses.
The cold emptiness, so still and lifeless
The scent of what could only be that of a dying wombat writhing in a pile of its own feces.
The creature felt an urge, it convulsed until it finally took in a breath.
A breath. No, more of a gasp. The creature felt air rush through its lungs. The creature had a another urge to exhale. So it did. It's breath causing the smallest wind current in the vast sea of nothingness.
The light became dimmer. The creature had come to enjoy the light, the consciousness. It knew that without the light it wouldn't live much longer.
Still growing dimmer.
Dimmer still...

***

Donald J. Trump set his toupee back into its rightful place on his head.
He looked over his shoulder.
To his relief, nobody seemed to be spying on him as he stood in front of his bathroom mirror, gazing with lust at his flowing gold locks, which clearly nobody knew were fake.
Nobody must know about what's under there, he thought to himself.