In My Bones (different point of view of 'You Left Me All alone')

In My Bones

The sun is shinning too bright for this occasion. My friends had to use all of their persuasion, but i'd rather not be apart of this equation. I want to stay up in my room rethinking all of the decisions I've done wrong. I should've told you i'd help you stay strong, or at least make you feel like you belonged. Instead i walked away, if i didn't i probably wouldn't be at your funeral today.
After the funeral I got to thinking up in the room I have baracaded myself into. I now find myself in need of a tissue. When i found you, your arms were a bloody mess. you laid in a pool of your own blood, my shoes were covered in mud, a end result of running through a flashflood. i wondered why you felt the need to suppress what you wanted to express. But deep down i knew why, i told you you didn't have to take time to address the problems you wanted to put to rest. So i left you alone to obsess, ignored you when you tried to scream in distress. I should've held you , your soft cheeks was made to be caressed. I tried to ignore the stinging pain i felt in not only my bones but my chest when you took pieces of me to build your happiness, and with that, our love turned into passiveness.
Reading people has never been a trick of mine, that is the opposite of one of the handful of lies I have ever told you, the total is nine. One of the others is when you asked me if i was okay and i said "i'm fine." Another is when i told you i hate when you whine, but that was false because i loved to hear your voice in any way shape or form. It sounded like melted butter that would forever stay warm.
You thought I let go, but I am still holding on. While i was gone,i felt withdrawn. Our love was telepathic, i could hear the stop of your heart miles away, the sound of your body hit the floor. The fear i felt shook me to the core. The pain I feel now is too much to indoor. I was too late, so now i sit here grieving of the loss of my only true soulmate. My heart has been put on silent. Of the few friends I have left; say that since you've have been gone I've became more violent. Which is probably true,now that I'm alone i can't stop being blue. I'm trying to push through, but I just keep getting so so tempted to end this life and join you.
I whisper "I'm sorry for what I've done" as i raise the gun. I hear someone scream "Stop!" behind me, it's the same beautiful voice I've been begging to hear. I quickly turn around and watch as your image disappears. I yell to the ceiling "Please come back!" hearing my own voice crack, I feel pathetic , I wish time could just backtrack, we could do what we swore, we had so much left to explore. But without you, all the things now would just be a bore, so much less to look for.
I will never stop being sorry for the pain I had cause you, knocking down your walls, letting you fall, and not being there to catch you. I was more of a ghost to you than you are to me now. Leaving and pretending our love never existed , my mind games didn't seem to work in my favor this time, I would come back and act as if I never left and as if everything was fine. Because my mind I never really did leave, because I'll always be yours. I still feel the pain in my bones, and i don't know if I'll ever be able to let go.