I try not to remember that day, because two weeks later we split up. It wasn’t on bad terms, we just didn’t feel like we right for one another. Plus he had a bit of a reputation as a player and it did make me paranoid a lot of the time when we weren’t together.
But yeah, back to the present, Mums leaving today, for good. And its not like she’s just moving up the road, she’s moving to the other side of the country. She did ask me if I wanted to go with her, but I refused. I mean I’ve got college, work, family and friends round here, plus I don’t like relocating, I’m perfectly happy where I am. Chelsea’s going with her though, I’m going to miss them both so much.
*RING**RING*
“hello?”
“alright chick its Michelle, you okay?”
“yeah I guess”
“she still hasn’t changed her mind?”
“nope shes leaving in about an hour”
“uh, that’s so selfish of her, she cant just pick up and leave to go to the other side of the country because shes got a new boyfriend”
“well she obviously can cuz that’s what shes doing babe”
“yeah but she isn’t paying any attention to what its doing to you or your sister, shes splitting the whole family apart”
“hmm, I guess. Shes just not thinking straight at the moment, shes in a bad place what with dad changing and that”
“it isn’t his fault he got tuberculosis!”
“mum seems to think it is, look babe im gonna go, id like to talk to her before she leaves,”
“okay chick, pop round later and we’ll have a drink”
“alright babe, speak to you soon”
“yeah see ya”
I put my phone on charge then prepared myself to go and say goodbye to mum. This was probably the hardest day of my life, I didn’t want mum to leave, but I didn’t want to leave dad either. It was a tough decision but in the end I think I made the right one.
“mum”
“oh, sorry bab I didn’t see you come in then, you okay?”
“no”
“okay I guess that was a stupid question, look its not like your never gonna see me again, ill be down every school holiday and some weekends when I can afford the train fair, and Chelsea will be coming down to stay for a week or two at a time.”
“yeah but its not the same as you being here is it?”
“but im just gonna be on the other end of the phone chick”
“yeah but mum what you don’t realise is that theres things ill need to talk to you that I cant talk about on the other end of the phone. Theres times when im gonna need you to cuddle me and tell me everythings okay, im 17 mum, I need you with me not on the other side of the country! Your acting as if everythings fine but its not!” I screamed, running out of the room and slamming the door behind me. I collapsed on my bed with tears rolling uncontrollably down my face.
I guess Michelle was right in a way, mum is being selfish. Shes just forgetting about her eldest daughter to run off to the other side of the country with a new man. Well you know what, fuck her, I don’t need her. I’ll make something of my life, meet the right person, get married, have a family and have a great career. Once I have a kid, I definitely wont need her, as ill have a family of my own. I know im only 17 but for the past year ive been so broody, my longing for a child is unbelievable. However im not one of these pathetic little whores that will just fuck anyone to get her pregnant, I want to meet mr right first. I thought that was Tyler, but I guess everyone makes mistakes, him being one of them.
People say to me that im a strong person, nothing seems to bring me down. I don’t understand this, because no one knows the true me. I hide behind a false smile and act as if everything is hunky dory, but if they were in my shoes it would be so obvious that it wasn’t.
This time last year I’d just turned 16, had my whole life ahead of me, a gorgeous boyfriend (who we’ll come to shortly), great friends and a happy family. A year on and I’m extremely depressed, heavily drinking and smoking, no boyfriend, one good friend and a broken family. It hurts when I think about it like this, I try to be a person who see’s their glass half-full but when my life is such a mess, I cant help but see it half-empty.
Hopefully things will change.
