Photograph

Photograph in an Envelope

April 12, 2011 when I first saw you. You were there standing with your face unseen. Your face was behind your camera-- that weird orange camera with a red lace. 

I was there standing like you with my face unseen. My face was also behind my friend's camera-- this black Canon DSLR with a black lace. 

You took pictures of a volleyball game of your school as I was taking a basketball game of my school. Is it fate that I met you here? 

I was about to go home but you were there standing in front of me. I didn't even expect you to approach me. You waved your hand and extend it asking for a handshake. I accepted it and it was warm. You even said how cool the camera I was using. I said that it wasn't mine. Your eyebrows arched and said, "Do you love that camera?" 

I answered you with a "No, I don't." It wasn't even mine so how can I love it? 

"If you don't love the camera you're using, your photographs would turn out blah." You said. I raised a brow and said, "I don't have the means to love it but I care for it. Isn't that enough?" 

For the first time, I saw your smile. But your words turned me off. "Stop using a camera you don't love. You're just a trying-hard photographer. You don't have the means to use that kind of camera." 

My jaw dropped with those words of yours. How can you say that so bluntly? I hated that side of you but then I also liked it. You're so innocent that many people took you for granted... just like the girl you loved.

June 15, 2011 when fate played once again. I didn't expect that the place where I will be living for the next two years was next to yours. It was funny to see you every morning with your boxers on. Your belly was visible and I always tease you for that. 

We became friends afterwards. You and I always took photographs of the things we loved. I took a picture of you and I didn't know why. As I took that stolen shot of you, I saved it and made it as a wallpaper. At first, it was just something for me to laugh at but then I didn't realize that I was falling. I was already falling but then... You're not there to catch the falling me. 

August 25, 2011 when you introduced your girlfriend to me. I tried to make a smile in front of you and even asked me to take a picture of the two of you. I grabbed your phone with my hands shaking and my brain was cloudy. My eyes can't take the view. It was too much to handle. It was heartbreaking. 

After the shot, I gave the phone back and say these words, "You look good together!" But I think we look the best together... 

September 18, 2011 when a suitor came by my house. You saw it and I saw a glimpse of your face. You really look happy for me. That time, I just want to punch your face and say these feelings of mine but then, your heart wasn't mine but why do I love you? 

I didn't gave my answer to that suitor because I don't want to give him false hope. I rather be single than engage myself in a fake relationship.

You asked me why I didn't try to like that man. I looked into your hazelnut brown eyes and I was about to tell you the truth but then your girlfriend came and took you away from me. As I see your back that time, my tears started to fall and looked down. "I can't like him because I love you." 

December 23, 2011 when you called me on phone at one midnight. You were so drunk that you can't barely talk. I began to dress up quickly and without hesitations and fear, I went to your friend's house. As I arrived in that enormous house, I saw you sleeping like a baby. I hate the smell of alcohol but I didn't care that time. All what's on my mind was to bring you back to your home. Your friend was nice and he helped us. 

When we arrived in your house, I asked you for your "keys" to open the door but rather, you gave me a kiss. My world stopped for a moment and I felt butterflies in my stomach. I laid your heavy body to your bed and went to the kitchen to get some water. To tell you the truth, I felt like I was Hulk just by carrying you. 

I went back to your room and stared at your face. Just by staring at you, I felt real happiness so tell me, how can I not love you? Your mere existence gives me the glimpse of eternal paradise. I once again remember your words, "Take photographs of everything you love." And yes, you are my everything so I pulled out my phone and took a picture of you... again. 

I looked around your room and I saw an album entitled Everything I Love. I found it corny and laughed at it at first. I thought that I was there. I was thinking that maybe you love me... as a friend. I thought that was enough for me but then I only gave myself a false hope. My face wasn't there, even my shadow wasn't there. I didn't realize, a tear dropped and my heart was like a broken glasses. I closed it and ran back to my house. I thought, love is painful. I don't want to experience this anymore. 

December 24, 2011 when I left that house. I also left a note in your door that I will be just on a vacation. Yes. A five-year vacation it is. I cut all of our connections and stayed away from you. I know that you can live without me but then for me, not seeing you was a tormenting life. I cried every night your face popped out every time I closed my eyes. I just... miss you. 

April 12, 2017 when I saw you once again. You were taking photographs with your weird orange camera with still a red lace. I wished I can let you see me. The "me" that is now fragile and has limited time. I wish... I can say how I love you. Your hazelnut brown eyes that I loved staring at, your lips that gave me my first kiss, your hand that gave me warmth, your stance that approached me, your belly that makes me laugh all the time, your smile that gave me sunshine, and your love for photographs that made me see how innocent you are. 

Hey, you said you always take photographs of everything you love but then I realize... you never took a picture of me. 

Just how sad that is. 

The moment I can see you again, and I would be able to tell you everything, I just want to tell the things I wasn't able to tell you back then. I want to be brave to tell you my courage. My courage of loving a person who wasn't even mine. I don't want to die with regrets. 

June 14, 2017 when my body was gradually declining. Will I be able to see you once more? I don't want to die yet. 

It's already 11 in the evening... will I be able to see tomorrow once I close these eyes? 

I don't want to die

I don't want to die

I don't want to die... 

June 15, 2017 when I saw your face near me. I was thinking if I was just dreaming but gladly, I wasn't. You're so worried and I can see it through your eyes. 

"You know, I have something to tell you." I said. 

"Really? Me too! I will say mine first!" You were so excited so I let you talk first. 

"You know, I'm now going to propose to the girl I will love eternally!" My world crumbled into dust and I smiled bitterly. 

"Congratulations! Best wishes!" I said and kissed you my cold lips. "And sorry, for loving you. I definitely don't regret meeting you... and loving you. I will always love you even if I die." I closed my eyes and smiled. 

 You never took a picture of me but I know that I was a part of your memory. That is enough for me. I will definitely miss you, my friend.

Fin.

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Author's Note: Hi! Hahaha, sorry for the tragic ending. This chapter still has a sequel entitled Photographs in an Envelope. Maybe I'll write it when the time comes haha! 

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Lovelots ♥