My thoughts!

April 11,2016

       Why? Why do people act like they care? Why? Why does your mind think so much? Why? Why haven't I tried to kill myself yet? Why? Why Am I so fucking depressed? Why? I can't stop!! I keep thinking and asking so many questions that make no fucking sense!! I keep saying that I'm done, but I never try to actually end it! I think I'm scared! Scratch that, I am fucking terrified! I have never been so scared in my life!! 
       Today sucked ass! I'm in high school, 10th grade. I'm 16. I have a truck. And I love Justin Bieber!!! But today sucked ass! The beginning of this year I met the people I call my friends today! They are weird and funny, but most of all there mean! And asshole! And bitches. And think they are so much more better than me and anymore else! And the worst part is, that they don't think they act like that! And that's what pisses me off! That's what makes me hate them!!
       I used to live everyone! I used to be happy(I think). I used to talk to everyone and cared about them and what they did! I used to have a best friend! Who's now the person I hate more than anything in this world besides Steve. Now that girl is a bitch!! She a fucking whore! Well not really but she will be one day!! She fucked up my life last year! She made it hell! She made my freshman year a living hell! And she doesn't even care! She talks to me like life is perfect! She acts like we are still friends! She "acts" like she's perfect! Acting- more like fake. More like messed up! More like kill me!!
       Today, I decided to talk to my "friends" about how I felt about boys! I'm not gay! So get that out of your mind! I kinda but not really like this dude, who is 5"8. Now, let me put In your mind that I am actually 5"11 so his height is a no no. But me thinking I could tell my friends How I feel about this dude. I told them that I don't think I can date him, or kiss him, or touch him! I'm not a relationship person. But anyways I was informing them about if I was to date someone I want them to be my type. Which is, tall(over 6ft), husky(big boys), country(because I'm a country girl), and idk about a throng else, but those are what I want! Not hard to you wouldn't think. But very hard to find! But I was telling them this and I used a boy as an example in class Bc he almost fit the standards that I stated, so I said "he is perfect for my type" thinking they would understand that he was the perfect built and height and weight, not that he was actually "perfect" but no my dumb ass friends decided to make it seem like I said he was perfect! And told him that I thought he was! Which then he looked at me with such  discussed that it crushed my soul! I have never been attracted to this boy in my life, but yet it just so fucking bad when he looked at me like that so I got up in the middle of class and left, which then lead my so call d "friends" to not talk to me the rest of the day. And has continued to go on. Kay is mad at me, and tee don't give a shit Bc we ain't really friends! My other close one Nika has a broke nose and wasn't at school. So today sucked ass! Let's see how tomorrow fucking goes!