To Catch A Grenade

I've left

I can't believe what I heard or what I did last night. I knew I'd run eventually but never in a million years did I expect to do it this way. It was a horrible idea. It happened too soon. I'm scared to know what will happen next.

I mean I'm nineteen now and it's legal to leave home but I never thought I'd leave father. Definitely when he is as sick as he is now. Even he knows he's battling his demons from the drugs, alcohol and all of his evil sins he has committed in his lifetime.

After facing an eternity amount of years of his abuse I still feel I owe him something but I know I don't, even if I am his own blood. Independence is something I was never taught and at my age I know I need to learn it now. In my future I'll have to defend myself but I hope it's not against him. Last night changed everything that's why I'm on a bus going to New York City.

Flashback- last night- April 8th

"He's what?" I asked again after several times repeating this question.

"He is dead, honey. There is nothing you could've done and nothing you can do now." the police officer repeats for what is probably the thousandth time.

"No. Can't you bring him back or something? He is too young to die!" I shout the last sentence and tears pour continuously.

"No we can't bring him back. He suffered too many shots to the chest. And no one is 'too young to die' not even you. We have a feeling his murder was random since him and the other victim were not connected in a way anyone knows of so you are probably safe." the officer states. I stare in disbelief.

"A 'feeling'? Probably? How do you not know?" I feel angry now.

"Well it could've been something more but it seems the two just got in the way of the man's armed robbery." I shake my head and go back into the house leaving my father to discuss more about my boyfriends death. We have been dating for eight years, since late grade school. We were about to get engaged and we could've been really happy. Cody took me away from the problems I had at home and he was helping me. I still don't believe he is dead.

"Your boy is dead so accept it and move on it wasn't like it would've lasted." father's voice echoes around my small room. I still sit on the edge of my bed with tears and rock back and forth mumbling for Cody to come back.

Father pulls my hair hard and yanks me to my feet. "Did you hear me? He is dead!" The look in his eyes is so scary and dangerous looking I nod my head and look down away from them.

"Good. Now get some sleep and I don't want to hear about him anymore." and he left, closing my door and locking it from the outside.

Now

I don't know what possessed me to pack my bags and climb out my window to leave but something did and I did leave and I got a bus ticket to New York City at 2A.M. in the morning.

Now the bus is entering the busy city and I'm more scared then I ever was. I have very little cash and I have no other family or anyone I can trust. All I brought was the little stash of food I had in my room which was a can of soda,a bottle of water, a box of cereal,a snack cake and a package of fruit snacks. For clothes I took two extra pairs of everything but all I had for my feet were flip flops that broke when I was running to the bus station but I'm still wearing them. The money I do have is from what Cody helped me save to get away from father and home. I decided to throw a toothbrush and toothpaste into my backpack that I've had forever and was taking. Right now the shorts I was wearing were not protecting my legs from the morning air in the East and they were cold making me wish I took a blanket and I know once I'm off the bus it'll be even chiller and with wind added. In my back pocket I had a prepaid phone but it's battery was low and even though I brought the charger I have no outlet. I'm going to try to find an apartment or something but I don't really know how to do that.