MY SECOND CHANCE GIRL (ON GOING)

CHAPTER 12: ANNICA

'Considerate? well to tell you honestly I've been so considerate for two damn weeks, ni hindi na nga ako nagrereklamo kung hindi ka nagtetext sakin or even a single misscall, ni hindi nga ako ang nagschedule ng lunch nato. It was you tapos ngayon sasabihin mong not now?' I am losing my grip on this guy, how could he?

'Something came up, do you think ginusto ko to? Hindi rin naman Annica, isipin mo naman, comatose pa si tito Lucas, kelangan ba-'

'Damn you Andrei, dont you ever make me feel like I dont give a damn about tito's condition but this has nothing to do with him, you asked me to come here, for what? To starve my-'

'Yan lang ba ang problema mo? Then go grab yourself a lunch and stop complaining.. Jesus, you have no idea what Im going through Annica..palibhasa, all you care about is yourself..' sita niya sakin.

'What? All I care about is myself? Na wala akong alam? Well damn you, i have a father who left us Andrei, I have my share of unfortunate events too but never did I blamed you for not understanding..' i had to hold my tears, it wont help. 'You know what, tama ka, Ill just grab myself a lunch.. it was so stupid coming over here'

'Annica.. wait, babe..' he gently grabbed my arm. 'Look, I am sorry.. hindi ko naman sinasadya, masyado lang akong maraming ginagawa at-' pareho kaming natigilan ng magring ang phone niya. It took him a few seconds to answer the phone, he stared at me before he helplessly answered the phone and left me speechless.

'Yes.. hello' he muttered.

'I'm leaving.. thank you for the lunch date' I sarcastically said, not giving a damn if he heard me. I saw him stared blankly at me as I left his office.

I took a deep deep breath as I drove my car, litong lito ako sa mga pangyayari samin. Mula kasi ng maaksidente si tito Lucas, ipinasa na ng daddy niya sa kanya lahat ng responsibilities. He was forced to file a bankruptcy for his own company, I know it was tough for him but I remained by his side, I stayed for as long as he needed me. Pero napakadamot ko na ba kung manghihiram lang ako ng konting oras niya? Ang damot ko na ba kung hihilingin kong makasama ko siya kahit saglit lang? Napakalaking pabor na ba kung gustohin kong ma-solo muna siya?

Naging ganun lage ang set up namin ni Andrei hanggang sa hindi ko na kinaya ang bigat ng mga responsibilities niya..

'Annica naman.. do you have to do this? Ngayon talaga? Kung kelan kailangang kailangan kita?' Mangiyak ngiyak na tanong ni Andrei.

'Andrei, all you need is time. At ayoko namang maging kahati mo pa ako sa mga priorities mo..' umiiyak na sagot ko.

'Babe, can we not do this? Hindi naman kailangang umabot sa break up, you know how much I love you.. please Annica. Please' pagsusumamo nya.

'Andrei, all we do is fight, even at the smallest detail.. wala na tayong halos pinagkakasunduan. We are not helping each other and I dont see a reason to stay'

'Ako? Ako Annica? Am I not enough? Para ipaglaban mo ang relasyon natin? Hindi ba ako sapat para manatili ka? We can still fix this.' He said.

'Hindi sapat ang ikaw lang Andrei, ikaw at ang oras mo, aanhin ko naman kung ikaw lang pero kahit isang minuto ni hindi kita pwedeng makasama.' I helplessly replied. 'Pagod na ako, I am so tired of trying to understand you, we are both fucked up.'

'That's selfish Annica, ngayon lang naman to'

'You know what's selfish Andrei? Yung pinipilit natin ang mga sarili nating manatili sa isang relasyong na wala ng patutungohan. Why dont we give ourselves a break? Let give each other the chance to grow, hayaan muna nating ayusin natin ang mga buhay natin.' He stared at me for so damn long and I remained quiet, waiting for him to say a word. Tears are gathered at the corner of his eyes while mine are freely flowing down my cheeks.

'Okay' he muttered as he stood up and took his coat along with him. 'Mahal kita Annica but I wont imprison you in a relationship that will only drag you down'

'Andrei..' my knees are shaking and I am a fool for hurting like this, I wanted this. I wanted this or maybe I was just trying to send him a signal that he should spent more time with me.

'I love you Nica..' para akong baliw na umiiyak, I felt his lips on my forehead.. then the next thing I heard are his footsteps walking away from me.

END OF FLASHBACK.

And that was the last time that Ive seen him.. the last time that I felt his warmth around me, the last time that felt his touch in my skin.. the last time that I heard him say that he loves me.