Once upon a time, a little girl bought an avocado at the grocery store, because she had beer eaten one before and wanted to make some guacamole because she had too many chips for her dip, and if she opened another tub of dip she would have too much dip for her chips.
After a good ten minutes of searching for the perfect avocado she saw the one, gleaming and shimmering on the top of the stack of avos. She grabbed it hastily, and softly, breathily whispering in its ear "you're mine."
She took the avocado home and sat it on the kitchen counter, eyeing it and licking her lips. "Well, you know what to do." The avocado, nervous and apprehensive, began to peel off his skin (even though everybody knows that you're meant to cut the avocado in half straight away. Perhaps she was just easing him into things, after all it was his first time). Things were going to get saucy, that they were both certain of. The avocado, naked and afraid, his bare green flesh exposed to the girl, turned rapidly, his eyes like those of a deer caught in headlights as he heard the kitchen door creak open. There, stood the jar of salsa.
"OH MY GOD, ALISON!" he screamed, his jaw dropping when he saw the nude avocado, and he rushed to cover the eyes of their son, the cornchip, who had already seen too much.
"CC honey, go to your room, now. You and your sister Dorito aren't to come down until I say so." He eyed the avocado, pulling back his lips to reveal his bared teeth, an animalistic move.
Terrified of the oncoming shitstorm that was about to go down, the avocado hastily pulled back on his skin and hurried out the back door, tripping over his feet, and constantly glancing over his shoulder for the hotheaded jar of salsa. He should never have gotten involved in girls, yet he would go back to Alison on one fateful night that would change everything.
To be continued...
