Brown sugar and Lavender

Chapter thirty: Tragedy becomes us

"What" I was in no mood for polite casualties, I just wanted this phone call over with.

"Meredith, it's Bailey" Dr. Baileys voice rung out through the phone.

"I've got a late shift tonight, I'm not coming in now too, I don't care who's sick"

"Shut up" Bailey barks "this ain't about you, Grey. I'm looking for Addison, we've got a mass casualties situation and I can't find her anywhere, I'm not sure she showed up this morning for work. No ones seen her" Bailey tells me "is she with you? Did she sleep in or forget that she's got a job? We need her ass down here now!"

I sat up abruptly, suddenly fully awake. "She left three hours or so ago, she never went to the hospital?" I ask, confused.

Bailey sighs "No one's seen her all morning, and this Ferry Boat crash is a mess, I need all hands on deck, we don't have time for-" I cut her off.

"What?" I say "repeat that?" I don't want what she's saying to be what I'm sure I heard. I really freaking don't. I'm positive I heard wrong, I couldn't have heard right. Things like this don't happen to people who are happy, they just don't.

"I said the Ferry Boat that crashed-" I drop the phone, ending her sentence.

I'm sitting there, completely frozen. I don't know how to move or how to breathe, I can't even remember my own damn name.

Instead, I jump out of bed and into the first things I grab and head out the door to the hospital.

Because Addie was on that Ferry Boat.

Addison's POV:

It was dark. And cold. I couldn't see much, I couldn't move. My breathing was slow, I was finding it hard to keep on sucking in and out over and over. There was cold water all around me, creating a shallow, cold puddle. I knew it was water, because there was blood trickling down my face and it felt much warmer. Then again, I was currently unable to see or move so I could have been completely wrong.

But I don't think it was any of that, none of it really bothered me as much as the fact that I was all alone.

I was here, unable to see what happened and unable to move to get out from wherever I was, and I was all alone. I felt helpless, I knew I was dying if I wasn't already dead, and I was going to die all alone. Here, trapped under a shit ton of  unidentified rubble, I was going to take my very last breath, and I was going to die.

I thought of Meredith, of how much I just wanted to talk to her once more before I was going wherever the hell dead people go. I wanted to tell her I loved her and she was the best thing that ever happened to me, I wanted to tell her she was extraordinary and absolutely stunning in every single way imaginable.

I wanted to tell her that just because I was gone, she didn't have to be alone.

As I tried to keep focusing on breathing in and out, even when I knew it was pointless because I felt as good as dead, because if I was going to die, I at least wanted to be out of  here, I at least wanted to be on a table where she could hold my hand and say goodbye as I took my last breath. She deserved that, at least.

I closed my eyes as water, no, it was tears, definitely salty like the water but warm like tears, trickled down my face.

I just wanted to stop this feeling, this awful and horrible feeling of alone and helpless. I wanted to live, I didn't want to die. But Jesus, if all the loneliness wasn't one of the worst feelings in the world.

I just wished it would all go away.

Just as that thought left my brain, the boat jerked and I heard a crack, then a thump. Then, I heard something fall and felt it as it made contact with my head.