Obsessive, compulsive love

Chapter 1

The urge to interrupt him before he had finished was overwhelming.

"Are you done yelling now?!" I asked argumentatively.  I was pretty tired of Brian belittling me as he had the past few weeks. And honestly, I didn't give a single care.

"I have things I need to get done, so if you don't mind I'd appreciate it if you wrapped this spiel up". Boy, was I being a bitch. But hey, you can't blame me.

This had been going on for awhile; the whole fighting and arguing thing. It's like we were losing our relationship. No one knew that of course, but we were pretty good at playing the picture perfect family on the outside.  That was the goal; to cover it all up until we sorted things out.

"Nicole, I'm so tired of fussing and fighting with you all the friggin time. That's all we ever do. We promised we'd never fight in front of Kennedy but look at what we're doing right now." Brian confessed while looking at me with his sharp blue eyes.

I turned my head and looked into the living room ... and there she sat playing with her toy block set. My perfect baby Kennedy. I started to feel the waterworks begin. I loved this little girl with all of my heart. I couldn't help myself but feel responsible for bringing her into this mess. She didn't deserve this ... she didn't deserve to be apart of something so damaging. I turned my head back to Brian.

His ice blue eyes began to water up. I closed my eyes and turned my head away so I wouldn't have to face him and his emotions. I began to rub my temples as the feeling of weight fulfilled them.

He grabbed me by my shoulders. "Nicole, look at me when I talk to you!" I forced my head back and opened my eyes.

"Nicole, I love you and Kennedy with all of my heart. I really do. I want nothing more than for us to be a family, for us to be a couple forever. Is that too much to ask?" ... boy he was so whiney.

I didn't want to be confronted with it all, I just didn't want to deal with it. I began to pull my shoulders out of Brians grip. I just felt like running away.

"Just leave me alone ... please" , it came out as a whimper. I walked down the hall and locked myself in the bathroom. I turned on the shower as hot as it would go making the room into a sauna. All I wanted was to wash away the world from my skin and to feel the burning water punish my soul.

"How did I let this go so far? Why did I let this go so far?!" I cried to myself. I can't tell you how long I sat there at the bottom of the tub, but it was long enough that the water began to run cold. I didn't even wash myself or anything. I just sat there wallowing in self pity.

I managed to drag myself out of the tub, slowly drying myself off. I dreaded facing Brian after getting out of the bathroom. Was he going to keep pressing the subject? I surely hoped not. I put on a tank top and slipped on my favorite pair of cheetah print fuzzy pajama pants and black house slippers.

I cracked the door open and stuck my head out looking down the hall towards our bedroom. All the lights were off in the house and I could see Brian's body covered up in our bed. I took in a deep breath and let it out slowly replenishing my soul. I slowly made my way down the hall stopping to look into Kennedy's room. She was sound asleep, holding her favorite stuffed lamb her grandma had got her. In a soft whisper I filled her room, " I love you Kennedy".  I regretfully led myself into my bedroom.

"Brian ... are you still awake?" I waited for an answer. "Brian .." I said a little louder. "Hmmm" he grunted back. So he heard me, but didn't want to talk. I creeped onto the bed, pulling on his shoulder making him roll onto his back. He put both of his hands behind his head, making his biceps flex ... he knows what that does to me. "what?" he demanded. I nuzzled into his chest. " I'm sorry about earlier. I...I just feel overwhelmed and pushed aside. I feel like I don't get enough of your attention because you're always worried about hunting and stuff". 

He sighed in return ... then silence for about a minute. "I'm sorry you feel that way, but hunting is the only alone time I get ... it gives me a change to breath and clear me head". I bit my lip in frustration. "Like I get alone time? I'm with Kennedy all day and night .... when am I supposed to get "alone time" ?". I just had to be petty and give him air quotation marks. 

"No, You're right. You don't get any alone time or a break from Kennedy. And that's my fault. I don't give you enough appreciation for what you do around for us, and that needs to change". My heart gleamed in appreciation for his understanding and confession. "From this point on, we're going to make some changes. We're going to spend more time together, but make sure we also take time apart to recharge. Can we agree to that?"

I nodded even thought we were surrounded by darkness. "Of course. We can agree to that".

I laid back down and stared out into the darkness. Nothing more was said ... and it wasn't long after, that Brian started to snore.

Thank you to those who have read this first chapter in my story. It's my first short story ever but I am really looking forward to this journey and hope you'll come along for the ride! - xoxo