You Crack Me Up, Steven (A Sam & Max + Steven Universe Crossover)

Chapter 9

At the call of the wicked fish, Stevax released its friends from its grip, turned towards said fish, and growled lowly.

"What is this? I am your superior master, and you WILL obey me!" Mack barked, but Stevax didn't respond. Mack was getting more and more angry. "Now listen here, you blithering joke of nature! I at least had half control of one of your creators... That means you belong to me! Now I order you to..."

Mack never got to finish that order; because before his ranting commands could continue, Stevax leaped at him and grabbed the leg of his fake body suit and waved him viciously around like a rag doll, slamming him into the ground repeatedly, and finally chucking him into the wall. As his fake body laid wedged into the wall, his fishbowl came loose and fell to the ground with a thunk.

"Bully fish!" Stevax grunted mockingly.

The gems and Sam's jaws all dropped at the vicious pummeling that the new fusion had just delivered to their aquatic foe... Until Amethyst broke the silence.

"WOOOOT! AW YEAH! WAY TO GO, STEVAX!!!!"

"Buh... Buh... But how!?" Peridot queried. "Even with that... Max acting as his fusion collaborator, the fusion should still have some form of humanity in its being!"

"Maybe," Sam said. "But not only is Mack Salmon a B-list villain, and a bully, but he also won't be getting a degree in math anytime soon. Because combining our young, half-impressionable Steven with Max's overzealous and hyperkinetic personality has turned them both into one vicious, uncontrollable, overprotective killing machine!"

"Kinda gets you misty-eyed, don't it?" Amethyst spoke, wiping her eyes.

Pearl flashed a grim smile at a certain fish. "Well then, since Steven is no longer under threat of attacking himself-"

"Alright, let's make fish sticks out of this creep," Garnet summoned her gauntlets, ready to pound the tartar sauce out of Mack.

Mack panicked. "Uh... Droids! Defend!"

At his command, his small army of droids stepped between him and the gems like a barrier.

"Oye vey, THESE stupid things?" Amethyst groaned. "Can these walking toasters even fight?"

Mack's eyes widened. "...Oh blast! I never designed a combat feature!!"

"And THAT'S why robotic duplicates will always be a disappointment: Because no maniacal sociopath with a convoluted plan ever gets them right," Sam shook his head in disappointment.

Mack growled... But then suddenly remembered. "My Salmonacra-"

"Fishsimiles!" Stevax grunted.

"-May not be able to attack... But I know what can! McGuffinite! Attack the Stevax!"

Hearing the call of his master, the McGuffinite monster pulled one of its muscular legs back, and delivered a swift kick to Stevax's bottom. The force of the kick was so mighty, it sent the fusion straight through the ceiling, and forced it back above ground. McGuffinite squatted down, and leaped upwards following its fused enemy.

"Steven!!" The gems yelled in fright.

"Oh I wouldn't worry about them. To be honest, I'm more worried about what will happen to the McGuffinite," Sam reassured. "In the meantime, what say we turn these Iron Legion flunkies into decorative panini presses?"