Lights (2013)

12

"I...I couldn't have known..." He says slowly. "You...you can't..."

"Stop," I say. "Stop."

"You can't just fucking say something like that," he says, anger returning to his voice. "I may say some stupid shit, but what you don't realize is that you're just as bad!"

"Stop trying to turn this around," I snap. "You cut Luke with a bottle. You could go to jail!"

"Do you think I fucking care? As long as he stays away--"

"Stop it!" I shout. "If I want to date Luke, I can!" I know I would never in a million years go out with Luke, but I won't let Harry tell me what I can and can't do.

Harry's eyes flash. "No, you can't!" He yells back. "If you would just stop being so fucking stubborn--"

"Well, Harry, I'm sorry. I'm so fucking sorry that I'm too stubborn to listen to the stupid things you say! Because let me tell you something, Harry, I may have loved you before, but I sure as hell don't love you anymore!" Tears spill down my face. It hasn't even been a day since Harry and I agreed to just be best friends again, and here we are, tearing each other apart. The carefully applied makeup Jane and Penny caked on me is smeared as I rake my hands through my hair.

"Good, because I don't love you either!" Harry shouts.

I feel like I've been gutted. I know I just said the same thing to Harry, but coming from him, it hurts even more.

I sit down on the bed and put my face in my hands. "Good," I say. "I wouldn't want someone like you to love me, anyway." I want my words to hurt him; I want them to sting so badly. As badly as his always hurt me.

"What do you mean, someone like me?" Harry asks.

"Someone who doesn't give a shit about anyone but themselves. Someone who constantly hurts the people around them without caring in the least. Someone who I should have cut from my life years ago."

I stand up, beginning to walk to the door.

"Where are you going?" Harry asks.

"As far away from you as I can get," I snap.

I open the door but before I can walk out, Harry grabs my wrist again. He shuts the door behind me and pushes me up against it, hard. My breath hitches in my throat.

"You don't mean that, do you?" He asks. His voice is soft and worried. It amazes me how his tone can go from outraged to worried in mere seconds.

"Of course I mean it," I snap. "You've really done it this time, Harry."

He looks down, his features softening. "I don't know why I hurt you so much," he breathes, looking back into my eyes. "It's just how I am."

"You didn't used to be that way," I say. "Before you started hanging around Luke and all of them." I search his eyes. "You've changed, Harry, and I liked the old you better."

His eyes dilate at my words. "I can be that," he says quietly. "I can be that for you."

My chest aches and I fight the urge to cry again. "I don't want you to be something you've left behind."

Harry's lips part and he searches my features. "Did you mean what you said?" He asks, his voice barely above a whisper. I know what he's talking about. He's asking about when I said I didn't love him.

I look away. "Of course not," I whisper. "I'll always love you."

Harry brings his hand to my face, turning it back so that I look into his eyes. He rubs the pad of his thumb against my cheek. "Really?" He whispers. "Even though I hurt you all the time?"

"I'd rather have you hurt me a thousand times than leave you forever," I say, my voice breaking at the end.

"I didn't forget," Harry says.

"Forget what?"

"The kiss," he says. "I could never forget it."

He brushes a stray hair from my face, tucking it behind my ear. And suddenly, he kisses me.

My heart swells as I wrap my arms around his neck, pulling him as close as I can. I know I won't ever get tired of the taste of his lips. His words may slay me, but there's nothing he could ever say to make me stop loving him. As he runs his tongue over my bottom lip, I imagine my mother smiling at us, telling me she's known all along we would end up like this. And so more tears run down my cheeks, but it's not because I'm sad. It's because even though my mother's not here on Earth anymore, she'll always be with Harry and I.

Suddenly, there's a fierce pounding at the door. Harry and I jump apart, my fingers reaching up to touch my lips. The door swings open and Louis steps in. I internally groan. Does it ever end?

"What the fuck?" Harry yells at him.

"Get the fuck away from my little sister," Louis growls at Harry, shoving him up against the wall. Harry's body makes a thump against the wall and his eyes fill with anger. I step in front of Louis, knowing that Harry would easily fight back and ruin everything. Louis steps back and looks at me furiously.

"I'm not your little sister! I’m not your little anything!" I shout at him. "Just because our parents are together doesn't mean you have control over my life!"

"Blair!" Louis shouts at me. "I thought I told you to stay the fuck away from him!"

"You don't control me!" I yell at him. "I'm an adult--"

"You don't know what he's capable of," Louis says. "You don't know--"

"I've known him for fifteen fucking years, Louis, so why don't you sit the fuck down and let me live my own life!" I've never spoken to anyone but Harry this way, especially not Louis.

Louis and Harry stare at me, shocked. Harry's eyes dance in amusement and Louis' jaw drops.

"I think you should go," Harry says to Louis.

"Blair, he's going to hurt you again. He--" Louis looks at me with urgency.

"Thanks for the warning, Louis, but I trust him." Harry looks at me.

"You--you do?" He asks.

"Of course I trust you," I say, amazed that he didn't know that. "I've always trusted you."

"Why?" He asks.

"Because...because..." I don't want to say the words in front of Louis.

"Because?" Harry asks. They both look at me expectantly.

I swallow. I look directly into Harry's green eyes. "Because I love you."

Louis makes a choking noise and Harry grins, his dimples on full show.

"Blair," Louis says. "I just want what's best--"

"I know, Louis," I say, not moving my eyes from Harry's. "I know."

Louis looks from me, to Harry, and then back again before turning and slamming the door behind him, uttering a string of curses under his breath.