Contimplation

The Only Part

          Loneliness seeps through every crack in my body. Consuming my skin and blood cells in the dark. I sit for hours on end listening to
the soft voices echoing in soft whispers inside my head. Each word, each sentence and phrase cutting a deeper wound inside my gut, tearing me in half.

         They started getting louder, those voices. They upped a notch just enough to make out the hard or warm syllables shaping a sound. The words were evolving, turning into a thread as visible and as big as a spider's silk. They lashed out like electronic waves from my head and wrapped around all of my limbs. The nice words curled themselves around my fingers: "cute" "adorable" "loving" "princess" "dorky" "goober" "beautiful" "special" "kind" "precious". They contorted around my phalanges to tug on them and make them dance. I gazed in wonder as the next set of words wrapped around my wrists, restricting me just a little tighter: "slut" "attention whore". For something so small, so tiny you'd think they'd break, but the strings were really strong. Strong enough to yank me to my feet my my arms above my head, pulling by my fingers and wrists.

         I was beginning to panic a little as the next set of words coiled onto my elbows, the string biting my skin now. "Ugly" "fat" Those words spread my arms open as if i was embracing a long lost friend for a hug. The string controlling my fingers were making them quiver, the ones on my wrists were yanking on them till they almost bled, my elbows were crooked like a scarecrow.

           The harsh words came at me in different directions, aiming for my waist. I tried to move, but the ropes connected me almost sliced my skin. They phrases wrapped around my stomach and hips, pulling me each way: "you are lazy" "I hate you" "can I date him?" "I love you always" "you don't remember anything" "we can still be friends" and that odd one. The one that says a million words that doesn't speak. The most silver one that hovers before me as the other criss cross my waist and up my torso like a straight jacket. It hovered there before slowly going towards my belly button and diving straight inside me. It slid up under my flesh in my veins, following the swerving paths to my heart and wrapping around it. The pain was unbearable. I was loosing my breath. My lungs couldn't expand and my eyes close shut; my mouth a open gap like a fish gulping air. The more my heart thumped, the tighter those silent unheard words grew sharp needles and pierced my heart.

          My head started lulling and my body growing slack as words and phrases attacked me from everywhere. They grabbed each limb and began yanking and pulling on me. My left foot was bent backwards facing behind me while my knee was completely straight. My right leg was bent all the way to the left while my foot was turned to the right. I was being half dragged half walked by the strings. Being constantly tugged and pulled everywhere.

        My breath was gone by now. My vision was turning red and i was paralyzed, frozen into a freak silently screaming for help. It hurt. The unbearable agony ripped at every fiber of my being, shredding every atom of my existence.

         'No. Nononononono! Let me live! Please please please!' I screamed and screamed in my soul but the words were too strong. It contorted me into a morbid corpse. 'Help! Help!' I was crying. I was freaking out but my eyes were blank and staring, my mouth unmoving and gaping open.

       Then i heard it. It was so weak i barely even made out the words. It was just drifting around the string, glittering. "Breathe" i watched it lazily trail among the strings, gently grazing one. Oddly, i felt the string loosen a little. "Breathe" i struggled. The pain was to much. I couldn't fight it. I was no hero to myself. I was just a weak, pathetic creature. The glittered word lazily found another string and did a little twirl around it, like a dragon in flight, all while brushing its sparkles along it. "Just breathe."
That string loosened just like the other one. I was amazed and stunned as i felt a little trickle of air pass my constricted lungs. The glittered word flitted to all the strings containing me, loosening them until i had enough air in my lungs to get the blood pumping through my dead carcass.

         A soft murmur. A flutter. A beat.

        My heart unsteadily started to come to life. It was unsure if it wanted to work again, but it found its rhythm after a few long painful moments. I gasped for breathe, the slight sound startling the strings, making them vibrate slightly. My eyes were back in motion and i could blink, clear my now blurry vision from the sudden tears welling up in my eyes.

      My heart was darting in my chest, every breath i took keeping it going so it could fight the harshest words of all that had captured it and was keeping my heart as its prisoner. The more my heart pumped blood through my body, swelling my head with a dizzy tango like dance, the more the silence ebbed away into nothing but scars over my heart.

     The words that were holding me were still containing me. They weren't as strong as before but they sure were still hard to break. I was panting by now. The pain had been lessened a great deal but it was still there on every cell of my body.

     I then noticed the glittered word. It was dancing around a little pink word. They were small little colored and dazzling strings that i was mesmerized by their sound: "breathe" "let it go". They reverberated inside my skull. Their sound caressed all parts of my brain and sank into my skin, giving me strength. I looked up at them, still in pain before closing my eyes and taking slow, long deep breaths.

       In. Out. In. Out.

      My heart slowed. I opened my eyes tentatively to watch the strength words barely trembling in the air anymore. Time had slowed down.

       I found it then. The one thing I needed the most of all. It was deep down. Further down then to where not other words from others could reach. My words. My sound.

      My jaw dropped and i screamed. I pulled my limbs back to me and the strings shattered like glass all around me. The shards trickled in slow motion down all around me. They rested on top of my head and shoulders, drifting down to my feet. I watched in pained amazement as they all broke in front of me.

      The places where they held me was bloody and bruised but i knew those wounds would heal, but leave so many battered scars that I couldn't explain.

       Looking up from my body i saw the words of strength dart playfully into the darkness.

      I was free. At last I could be me.