its not that i dont want to be happy
its that despite how hard i try
i cant bring myself to be happy
i feel suffocated embarrassed ashamed
why did i have to be this way?
i have a great family amazing friends good academic results
on paper everything is okay
yet all i ever seem to see is sadness and grey
i cant bring myself to care
about anything not me not him not her
living has become this constant nightmare
and its just not fair
this cannot be solved by exercise or medication
its a disease that affects every aspect of my life
my work my relationship my education
people ask me 'why are you always so sad?'
i tell them i dont know
what i do know is that every morning
feeling like absolute shit
and thats become my norm
im afraid of the world
im afraid to put my guard down
in fear that i will be judged for something i cannot control
i create this character
and she is perfect
shes invincible
and so i carry on living these two lives
one for the public and one just for me late at night
cause thats easier than admitting i have a problem
and thats the problem
the stigma is real people
and it will not go away until
we realize that mental health is a big deal
depression is the hell inside of me
and it eats me up daily
