We Only Wanted To Be Loved

Vacation From Reality

Looking out the window of the hotel, I could see the ocean. The window was slightly open and the heat was radiating on my skin. It was too hot. I hated it. I could see the sun rising over the ocean. I turned away from the window after pushing it closed. John was sprawled on the bed in just his pants, having kicked all the blankets off the bed. I smiled at the sight of him sound asleep.  I shuffled back towards the bed and slowly crawled next to him. The shift in the bed seemed to have woke him up.

John rolled onto his side and groaned. I giggled quietly. I wanted to pull him close but it was so hot.

"It's too bloody hot." He mumbled as he reached his arms out to me.

"No don't touch me. That'll make it worse."

"Come on Lori, I just want to love you!" He pulled my hips trying to make me get closer.

"Ugh! Fine, let's smother to death. I really need to loose some weight, let's just sweat it out." I laughed.

"Well if that's what you were thinking, you get on top. I'm too hot." He chuckled at himself.

"Ha! No way. I'll actually faint." I grumbled and started to back away from him. "Jamaica was YOUR idea might I add."

"...It was...but this is for work. You could've stayed in England." He turned so his back was to me.

I was silent for a moment. "Well that's not nice...I just wanted to be with you." I pouted, also turning to put my back to him. I felt the bed shift. John hands grabbed my waist again and he pulled himself into my back. He kissed my exposed shoulder.

"I'm sorry Lori...let's just try and relax...but you gotta stop making me apologize for everything." He chuckled.

"Stop being a grumpy fucker then."

"Alright alright. Sorry...god dammit." He laughed again. But I joined in this time.

"Okay I love you but get the fuck off me I'm going to actually melt."

John and I had been married a couple months now but other than my last name, nothing has really changed. Virgin had asked him to go to Jamaica, and he also really wanted to go, in order to scout Reggae artists. He loved that type of music so much. I never really got into it but was constantly surrounded by it. Paul loved it and so did Joe. I knew that this would be a good vacation from our rising problems back home. John had started a seemingly long, drawn out legal battle against Malcolm Mclaren to fight for his right to produce other music and also for the right to his stage name. John begrudgingly let me hire him a prestigious attorney, one of which worked very closely with my father. My father himself even tried to speak with Malcolm to get him to settle. He chose to go forward with the lawsuit. Complete piss take.

I woke up a little while later to John talking. I opened my eyes and saw him across the room on the phone. He was sat on a couch in our room. It seemed like he had been up for a while as he was already dressed. He wore oversized slacks and a button down shirt that was completely undone. I sat up in bed and smiled at him. He smiled back and continued talking.

"No I know but he ain't talking to anybody but that fucking witch." He spoke into the phone. "Solo? That's a joke. He can't even sing. Malcolm is just trying to get money out of him and he's too fucked up to notice...right...well I'll speak to you when we get back...bye." He hung the phone up.

"Who was that?" I asked.

"John." He replied, rising from the couch walking towards the bed where I sat.

"Oh a droogie. Viddy well." I joked.

"Yeah...that'll never get old." He replied sardonically.

"Was it about Sid?"

"...yeah. He OD'd."

"Fuck. Is he alive?" I asked moving closer.

"Yeah but he ain't listening to anyone. People want me to intervene but he's an adult. I ain't his dad." He grumbled.

John took my hand and let out a sigh. I wanted to say that everything was going to be okay and that Sid was going to be okay but he'd call me a liar outright. I felt so much for him. I wanted to comfort him because he always had so much on his shoulders. I wished I could take the brunt of some things but I didn't know how.

We were only going to be in Jamaica for one more day so I thought it might be better if I stopped whinging about everything and try to put on a brave face for John.

"Hey! Let's go do something! We can go for a swim!" I bounced up off the bed.

"...you can't swim. You said you're too punk for the beach." He groaned.

"...well yes I did but you like it and see I like you so I'd hope you'd save me when I drown." I tugged at his hand trying to get him to stand.

"Nah I don't wanna. Let's just get high and fuck."

"Okay but let's at least go out for a little bit and then we can do that." I pleaded with him. He got even moodier now when he was high, sullen.

"Fine! Get dressed then." He stood up and embraced me but with an annoyed expression across his face.

"Stop looking so cross." I poked at his face. He smiled and locked his hands around my waist. We kissed and I stepped back to put clothes on.

By the time I had woken up it was already late afternoon, thankfully it was cooling off some outside. I threw on a cotton dress and sandals and we headed out. John and I walked hand in hand down the hotel corridor. Since we got married, every once and a while I'd catch him glance at me. His face looked like he won some sort of prize. It made my heart flutter. And our friends want to vomit. I didn't care, he could look at me like that forever. He shot me one of these glances as we walked into the lobby.

We walked down the street into a restaurant that had live music that could be heard from quite far away. John led me by the hand inside. A tourist looking bloke stopped us on the way in. He had a camera dangling around his neck on a strap. He asked John for a photo and in true John fashion he was delightful and sweet, obliging the request of course. It was very rare that he would not sign something or stop to say hello to a fan. I was so proud of him when those moments happened.

A waiter sat us at a table further away from the large crowd of patrons. We ate and I cracked terrible jokes in any attempt to make him smile. Always the court jester, I'd throw myself across the room to make someone I love laugh if they were down.

"Why'd I marry such an insane person?" John asked, a huge grin spread across his face.

"I ask myself that question daily love. You're well crazy." I giggled.

"Well Mrs. Lydon, you ready to go home tomorrow?"

"Oh yes! I need that overcast dreary London weather. It suits me."

John cracked up, "You'll be back in your gothic cave soon."

Later that night I tried to gather our belongings for our very early flight. John being the absolute slob that he was, had been throwing his crap all around our room since we had arrived. I told him if he lost anything it was gone forever because I sure as hell wasn't coming back for it. He protested that as long as he had me and his passport, he wasn't worried about anything else. Good rebuttal. I dug behind chairs and tables to ensure I found all his stuff and packed it up. Soon we would be home. And as much as there was going on at home, it was the only place I wanted to be.