I cant even think right now I just want to be gone. I just want to disappear and I can't stand anything anymore. I just want to end everything tonight when everyone is asleep. I just can't do this anymore. I really just want to disappear. I cant standbeing alive. I cant stand breathing. I can only stand one thing and that would be death. I hate my life I want to die. I thought to myself. Being in high school is rough. I thought I could trust someone but in all honestly I cant trust anyone. I look up at the board for once today and its when my teacher yells at me to answer him. I can't stand being here. I dont like world history. I keep trying to bring my grades up by paying attention but they wont say im participating during class. I cant stand that they dont believe me. I hated being home and I hated being at school. I cant stand life I really cant. I just wanted to disappear. I just want to be on the road and a singer possibly even a dancer. I knew its who I was. I couldn't believe that I was too shy to sing in front of anyone unless I trusted them enough. I really just couldn't think anymore. I just wanted everything to be different for once. I just wanted to be different. I wanted to be like ariana grande, or selena gomez. A girl that was confident and famous and had a great boyfriend. I didn't want to be like taylor swift though. Someone as devious as her. I just absolutely could not stand her. She was going from one frien to anouther. I kind of just wanted to punch her but its not my life so who the hell cares. If they wanted to share a girlfriend with an ex then by all means go ahead. Taylor swift is someone I truly can not stand. Some of her songs are good though. I hate being like this. If I had her number I could call her and apologize to her for all the mean words I just said about her. Now I feel horrible because I said a bunch of horse pucky that I could never say to her face. I hate it. I hate myself I deserve to die.!!!! I woke up finally and smiled. I knew it was all a dream but I truly did have no one and absolutely nothing. I would never have anyone I always screwed it up. I just needed to be by myself I guess. I only ever did trust one person though and that was my best friend she was like my sister. But she eventually moved back in with her mom and we havent really talked since. I miss her she was all I ever truly had.Now I am all alone. My suicidal thoughts got worse. I started to cut deeper. I have been to the hospital twice this week. I get a stranger to take me. I know its not right but they eventualy start to feel really bad about it. I just kind of wanted to be better though. The only way I could be better though was to be better with my mom. Dead and in heaven. Yes I know usually god deny's his love to the people who give up but I hope that he wouldn't mind I hope he would take me in like he did my mom. I hope he would love me like a real father but I just need to b dead I swear I really wont have a happy end till I die. I just need to die. Thats all my dream is anymore, to die.
