She sat cross-legged in her pink turtle neck top and denim mom jeans while staring at a piece of artwork on her bedroom wall, which was surrounded by a dainty frame. At first, the art itself made her feel some self pity as it wasn't the most eye-catching work of art, but the frame gave her a sense of comfort, the detailed engraving of lines and swirls putting her mind at ease.
There was a heart made of crayon, followed by a shadow. The shadow was a shade of warm pink, while the heart itself was a blood red, and they were connected at the tip. It was made by her little brother, Joseph, and although he didn't know its power, she did.
With her custom-made vintage hardcover notebook and red ballpoint pen in hand, she studied her once shared bedroom, memories flooding her brain and leaking through her eyes. She believed closed doors hid everything and walls stayed stable forever.
When you lost the way of life,
I realized it was an open
test to get you distressed.
When you thought you
were the bigger one,
life pushed you to your limits,
making you hold onto
the edge of a racecar.
"Moll, momma called you a thousand times!" Joseph barked at the bedroom door.
She turned her back to him, quickly wiping away her tears. "I'll be there in a sec, Jo," she weakly responded. After a few silent beats, she felt a petite hand rest gently on her arm.
"You okay, Moll?"
Molly used to be the friend that everyone turns to. Well, with her twin sister, Neveen. They were the sisters who solved everyone's problems, the sisters who everyone used as punching bags, the sisters who would help you when you were feeling horrible. After Neveen's death, it was Molly. Only Molly. Just her. Was she okay?
"I'll be fine, Jo."
"Molly..." he whispered.
A huge weight fell on her shoulders when she turned to face her 7-year-old brother. He was silently crying like she was a few moments before.
"No no no, Joseph, please don't cry," she cooed as she bent down to take her brother in her arms in a warm embrace.
He started crying even louder. Molly didn't know what else to do but close the door, and put him on her lap until he calmed down.
When you lost the way of life,
I knew of the great lengths
I'd have to go through
to find you again, but
isn't that just it?
I had to find the courage
to stop the blue
Or red would invade
and fest real soon.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
The living room smelled of turkey dinner and genuine family spirit as the Green family sat around the fake fireplace. Grandma Nelly sat comfortably on the beige couch with her son and his wife, while the two kids sat together on the floor. It was time for the annual family thank-you's, where each family member presents a speech about what they were thankful for.
Molly couldn't focus, although she hasn't been able to for the past year and two days. She often felt dazed as thoughts swirled around and blocked her vision, but nothing ever catching her eye.
"Let's get this show on the road!" her father spoke up once everyone got settled. "Ma, why don't you go first?"
Grandma Nelly looked at her son with gentle eyes that shined bright blue, one feature that Neveen now had all to herself. Molly's eyes were once very similar, but now more dull with a mix of grey clouds blocking the blue sky's, identical to the picture on the other side of the living room window.
Life brings you through a process
with no rules to the game,
no pathway to follow,
and no second chances.
And yet, we always believe
in a second chance.
"Every year I am thankful for so much, and those carry on into the next year, and it keeps piling up and up and up," Grandma Nelly said, now standing in front of the other Green's.
"Ever since I lost the most important person in my life six years ago, it never brought me down, for he would be oh so proud of me for staying strong for the rest of our journey. Never would I want to disappoint my true love, nor let down my own family. Family is something i've grown to love my whole life, anytime we are always connected, or sharing each other's strengths when we needed it most, I am the most thankful for every single one of you. I know how hard it was to lose Neveen, but I am also so thankful for how hard you all have worked to leave the past in the past, and at the same time never let your precious girl leave your hearts - and after a whole year without her, she has never left mine."
As she was working her way back to the couch, the rest of the family wiped away their shedded tears, and Molly's mother motioned for Joseph to go next. He hastily got up from the carpet floor to stand in front of his family. He reached inside his back pocket and took out a folded piece of paper, the red marker seeped through it.
"This year, I am very thankful for the family and friends that I have. I am also thankful for the Flames winning the Stanley Cup this year!" His face lit up in glee. "But the thing I am the most thankful for this year is my big sister, Mol. She knows how much I miss Neveen, and she always helps me when I start missing her a lot. Thank you, Mol, for being the bestest person ever," he concluded.
When you lost the way of life,
Time didn't heal any wounds
Time wouldn't give me mercy
or take my praises
Time couldn't close any
gaps between us
Only I could.
Then it came again. All the memories were rushing back into her brain, overflowing and leaking out her eyes. Look at me! Look at me! Look at me! they were all screeching.
Molly wasn't sure if she stood up, maybe she crawled back to her bedroom, but she was certain it all went in slow-motion. Her head cleared up once she closed her bedroom door. She believed closed doors hid everything and walls stayed stable forever.
She stumbled over to her window, the dripping rain slowly calming her senses. She realized that her family had finally stopped yelling her name, and her notebook was still lying on her silky double bed. She picked it up and brought it with her to the window. She opened it to the first thin page, and read.
I sat by the window with a
red light against my chest,
breathing in and holding it,
letting my sadness fest,
while I sat and waited and hoped
For the storm to pass.
