The Pure Blood's Task

Chapter 12

"I'm gay, Malfoy! I'm gay." I hear the words echoing around the room, twisting, repeating, mocking. Malfoy's face is frozen in shock, but I can't pause, can't stop now. I need to keep talking, get it all out.

"I found out... last year... at the Ministry. But I didn't realise until after, until I thought back, and I thought about... I just... I like guys, Malfoy. Guys! And it's driving me insane! I can't concentrate anymore, I can't sleep, I can hardly eat, and I need to... But I can't tell Ron or Hermione or anyone else because I know what they'll think, what they'll say. So I'm telling you, because you I can..." I search for the right word, but come up empty. "Because you taunt me, you hate me, you insult me every single day so I can take it from you! So go on... Do it. Do it NOW!"

I finish, panting, my shoulders heaving with the weight I've just shrugged off. I tense my arms, ready for the relentless abuse about to come.

It doesn't - Malfoy is still rigid on the floor, staring at me in disbelief.

"Damn it!" I grip on to his shoulders, shaking him roughly and screaming in his face. "Do something! Don't just sit there, don't just -" As I rattle him his body shocks my fingers and he jumps up, pulling away but leaving that bloody scent behind him. It angers me more than his silence and my fingers start trembling. "What do you do, carry that stuff around with you?"

He eventually speaks, voice rough. "What stuff?"

"Amortentia. Don't bother denying it, I smell it every time you come near me." I've just told him I'm gay for Merlin's sake, and he still won't admit to this! "You know what?" I point my wand at him. "Stupefy!"

"Protego!" Malfoy shields himself, already aiming a curse at me.

I duck under it, firing back at him, fighting with fury as we send curse after curse at each others' figures. I tire quickly, even with adrenaline pushing me forward, as Malfoy is skilled and practiced, using non-verbal skills with confident ease. But I've duelled with Voldemort, so I know I can win this.

I do, hitting Malfoy squarely on the chest with Petrificus Totalus. He falls to the floor, stiff as a board, and I kick him with my shoe until he rolls face up.

"Yeah, Malfoy, a faggot just beat you. A poofter, a queer."

I stamp on his nose, breaking it as he broke mine, and lean down towards him.

"And don't bother spreading the rumours. I'm telling everyone. The whole school, tonight at dinner. Bring your cronies - you can have a good laugh."

I turn away, leaving Malfoy's helpless body on the floor as I leave the room. That was overboard, I know, but I don't care. I needed to let my frustration out.

I lean against the wall outside, taking deep, calming breaths. This is who I am, I'm gay. I wish that I hadn't told Malfoy. I wish that I'd told anyone but Malfoy, but I didn't, so now I'll have to let the entire school know.

I attempt faking bravery, telling myself that the only thing worse than telling the whole school would be Malfoy telling the whole school. I sigh - it doesn't make me feel better. From tonight I'll be targeted for jeers more so than ever. But I'll survive. I always do.

      *      *      *      *      *      *      *      *

The whispers between students spill from the Great Hall into the Entrance Hall where I'm standing. I'm nervous to venture in, the anticipation of my announcement gnawing on my stomach.

"Did you hear? It was a cursed necklace. She's lucky to be alive." Right now everyone's talking about the incident with Katie Bell, but in a few minutes they'll have a new topic to gossip about - me.

I set my jaw, square my shoulders, and force myself to step forwards. I walk to the podium at the other end of the hall, past the empty seat waiting for me at the Gryffindor table, past my friends' concern, past Malfoy's bruised, worried face. So someone found him then.

I latch my eyes to Malfoy's own as I prepare myself to speak. I've already come out to him, I can do it again.

The noise of dinner quietens as people notice me standing here. I become a softer, hushed, until finally there's reticence. I'm still staring at Malfoy, at the purple bruises under his eyes, at the subtle shake he gives of his head. I stare until I'm ready, and then look away, opening my mouth.

"Really Potter, is this the way to do it?" My head jerks back towards the Slytherin table as Malfoy's voice drawls out.

No. He can't tell them. It has to be me.

I start to speak but he cuts me off again. "Potter here wants to boast again, about locking up a bunch of people in Azkaban. Right, Potter?"

"I..." Why is he stopping me?

"Not going to admit it now that I've called you out? Hmm." He smirks smugly at me, ignoring the outburst of protests from my friends.

"People like your father, Malfoy?" Ginny yells, addressing the room.

Neville eggs her on along with Ron, whilst Hermione glares at the Slytherins, and Luna pipes up at the Ravenclaw table. They were with me at the Ministry, for the most part, they know what...

I spy the back of Malfoy's head as he slips out the door. That coward! I sprint, desperately, emerging from the Great Hall in a matter of seconds. I will find him right now and rip off his... A pale hand grabs my arm and tugs me from view. Blood boiling, I glare at the pointed face in front of me.

"How dare you, Malfoy! You want to do it yourself? Humiliate me once and for all? You think I want to be like that?" I take a deep breath. "And why the hell are you still carrying that love potion?"

"I haven't got any love potion!"

"Stop lying to me, Malfoy! I smell the vanilla." That's not important right now though. "And why did you make that up, about me boasting? Isn't me being gay shameful enough?" My eyes are flashing against the uncertainty on Malfoy's face as he takes in my words.

"Wait, Potter, you don't understand."

"Understand what, Malfoy?" My patience is about one millimeter away from punching him.

"I'm... I'm gay too." He looks suddenly away from me. "And vanilla... that's my shampoo. It has been for years."

I can't respond. He must be joking.

"I'm not going to mock you for it, Potter. I'm gay too."