From the Secret Diaries of Samuel Pepys...

Home Alone, Xmas 1665

"Say, this looks like shorthand..."

"What?"

"Shorthand, fast writin'...I used to do it for me master on the Argus
before. To help him keep the accounts secret-like. Whoa."

"What?"

"This fellow gets around...My God, he's doin' it with three women in one
day if he be telling true..."

"Three? That bug-eyed little fellow?"

"That's what it says...Though a lot here seems to be in French-like."

"But 'e's married. To that pretty wench...?"

"Tis a sordid world, Styme..."

"Well, put it away and grab the stuff...We've got to be off."

..................................................................................................

"Mrs. Pepys?"

"Wha...?"

"I hear something..."

Crash...

"Jeremy!"

"Sorry..."

"It's from Mr. P's closet, ma'am."

"Mrs. Pepys!" frightened chorus as two maids and Tom run in...

"There's someone in the house!" "I heard something!!"

.....................................................................................................................................................

"Can't believe the man would do that with such a pretty lass to wife?" Shakes head, putting Diary back on table.

"Court types...Scum of the earth in fancy clothes, Jeremy. Come on, look
sharp! The ladies might've heard us."

"Someone in the house? Tom, lets have us a look."

"Ma'am?"

"Mrs. Pepys? They might have guns and swords..." Mercer cautions.

"Right...Well...Tom, give me that chamber pot..."

"Ma'am...?"

"And fetch me Mr. Pepys' older periwig..."

.........................................................................................................................

"Ok, just this bag downstairs and then we'll check out those chests..."

"Arggh!!! Styme!!!"

Crash...Down the stairs...

"Who threw that?!"

"Ugh...Styme! It's a pot!" Arghh...Slips...Further down the stairs...

Uhhhh...

"Hold there!" stern voice...Figure in periwig and waistcoat at the head
of the stairs...

"Styme?!"

"There's a man with them, run!"

"Hold or we fire!!"

"Leave the bags! Go, go...!!!"

"Mrs. Pepys? That was amazing."

"Oh, I imitate Sam'l all the time at parties..." Bess in periwig and
waistcoat, grinning...

***
"So it's simple...Until Mr. Pepys can return, I'll just dress up like
him every night..."

Every night? Be still my aching heart...Mercer, Tom...