Stuff

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I buried my aunt yesterday, may she rest in peace, I really, loved her. She was the greatest, when I seen her body the day before. I swore she wasn't dead, I
She looked a little swollen but besides that she just look like she was fake sleeping. You know how when your fake sleeping and your eyes start to blink while they're closed because your faking, that's how she looked. I just wanted to shake her a little so she'd wake up, at one point I did tell her to wake up.

She took care of everyone like her own kids, even her older siblings. I thought I was sad when I found out she died. But once I saw her kids crying it broke me down and it made me realize I was really never going to see her again. But all the sadness was just so much. I haven't lost someone close to me in a long time, that last time I was like 6 years old, and I think my cousin died fucked but but she was put out of pain. Seeing my cousin breakdown was crazy she lost her grandma, but I knew she was the second if not the most affected. Every time I saw my cousin she was with my aunt, no exaggeration, she had raised her.

This is my current life. I did pretty good I think I didn't cry much I didn't sob dramatically, nothing extreme happened at the funeral. But I never noticed life was so short, she didn't even retire yet. That being said, I'm going to be a lazy, energetic, selfish, petty, kind, loving, non-forgiving, forgiving person. I'm going to do what tf I want and enjoy my life. Pray every morning and night ( as always) try to stop drinking lol. Curse out some bums who I had trusted and got to sleep peacefully, I'm kicking out pride in a little because it holds me back and it's not good for me,I'm should be able to do what I want fuck others.

-J