A Moment Of Silence

A Moment Of Silence by E. Grado

Johanna Jade is my best friend. Was my best friend. Johanna is nothing but a memory now soon to be forgotten. I stare blankly at the open casket. How'd she do it? How'd she cheat life and end up dead? How'd she manage to betray mine and everyone's trust. Why?

I bite my lower lip tasting the metal of my lip ring. It's identical to the one clasped around Johanna's full lips except she has one and I have two. It's funny. We were so close yet so far apart. And I was completely oblivious. I didn't realize my best friend; my only friend was hurting. I could've helped her. Hell, I could've saved her. Now I have only my ignorance to blame for her passing.

I take a deep breath as a priest approaches the church altar. Father Bolk. Johanna's uncle. My godfather.

Father begins to speak saying something about how amazing and talented and beautiful Johanna was. And it's true. She was extraordinary.

Now she's gone.

I look to my left and find my mother, head in hands, stifling a sob. Her fiery red hair falls over her face, covering her tears. But you don't need to look at her to know she's breaking down. Just like everyone else is breaking down. Everyone else misses Johanna and yearns for her return.

Everyone but me.

I take my mother's hand and fold it in between both mine. She looks up at me. Her mascara is running and she looks kind of like a clown. I want to console her. Tell her everything will be okay and maybe I won't be telling her. I'll be telling myself.

Mom and Johanna were very close. It was almost as if she were a second child to Mom. As if she and I were... sisters?

No.

I could never be related to Johanna.

Father Bolk asks for a moment of silence. In unison, everyone-including me- bows their heads and shuts their eyes.

I think of her. When we were kids-Johanna and I- we'd play board games. My mom and Johanna's twin brother, Esau. The four of us.

I look to my right. Esau's eyes are shut and he's moving his lips. Forming inaudible words is an old habit of his. I take his hand. He glances at me for a moment and our eyes meet. His dark green and glistening with tears, and mine dark brown and empty. Then he looks away.

I shut my eyes again and think back to when I first met the Jade twins.

Summer was just around the corner and I couldn't wait for seventh grade to be over. Mom was home early that day cooking blueberry pancakes and bacon. My favorite. I remember it all too well.

"Heather!" Mom said. "We're having guests."

I didn't complain. I liked company young or old.

"Who is it?"I said.

Mom shook her head. She puckered her lips and winked.

"A surprise?"I asked.

Mom nodded and set the table.

Halfhour later, the doorbell rang. I stood a few feet away from the front door,prepared to greet the company. Mom opened the door welcoming a man and two children about my age. A boy and a girl.

I smiled eyeing the boy. I thought he was cute.

"Heather, this is John Bolk. Your godfather." Mom forced a smile.

Mom had spoken highly of my godfather before. I was surprised I hadn't met him until then.

The man-my godfather- stepped forward extending his hand. His grip was tight, but brief. My arm dropped back to my side.

"Pleasure to meet you", John said. "I haven't seen you since , well. Never."

"The pleasure is all mine."

The boy made a grunting sound followed by the girl elbowing him in the side.

Mom cleared her throat. "Heather, this is Johanna Jade." The girl waved. "This is her brother Martin."

Martin Jade.

The boy rolled his eyes.

"Martin prefers to be addressed as Esau. It was his father's name."

At the mention of a father Johanna and Esau's expression shifted from bored to sullen.

And that's how I met them.

I look from Johanna to Esau. The lively Jade twins. The quirky Jade twins. The dead -inside and out- Jade twins.

I face Father.

He declares the end of the silence.

The ceremony has ended.

I scramble to my feet, fixing my short black dress. Esau gets up as well. Mom stays seated.

"Mommy?"I chirp. She just looks forward expressionless at Johanna's body.

I turn to Esau. He takes my hand.

"I love you, Heather."

Heat rises to my cheeks. I look away from him. He can't do this right now. Not in front of Johanna.

"Look at me dammit." He brings my hand to his lips and kisses it. "I love you."

I force myself to face him.

This is wrong and he knows it. Pursuing a relationship with me is forbidden. Johanna said it herself a week ago. Before she walked into that alley and...

"But Johanna..."I trail off.

Esau takes my face. "Johanna is gone."

He's wrong.

For the first time in a week, I cry.

"No!" I drop to my knees.

Esau bends over me.

"NO! NO! NO! She'll never be gone! She'll always be here-"

I take his hand and place it over my heart. His eyes widen. Without a doubt, my heart was almost literally beating out of my chest.

"She'll want to control everything!" I shout.

Esau grabs me and lifts me up from the ground. I bury my face in his neck, sobbing.

"No." Esau whispers. His voice tickles my cheek like a feather.

"No. She's gone."

And I know for certain now that he's right. She's really gone.

Finally.