I thought I was in love with him, but I'm not.
I'm in love with the way he used to look at me before we kissed. But it never crossed my mind that behind that, he was just eager for sex. I thought what I saw in his eyes was love, but it was only lust. A part of me is glad I know the difference, the other refuses to be guilty that I used lust to feel loved, when I knew I wouldn't be loved. If its an illusion in my head then be it. When has it ever not been about lust. Won't it always be that way? Even if I restrict myself it won't change that no one will ever love me for me, will wait for me, will propose to me, actually sees a future with me instead They'll only want to fuck me.
I've heard it all, "one day you'll find someone." "It's your fault you always go for fuckboys." "None of these boys know you're worth, yet you still mess with them." I'm sorry that it's been years and I still haven't found anyone and no one has found me, I'm sorry that the worlds filled with fuckboys, I'm sorry that you're boyfriends perfect, I'm sorry that I have flaws and insecurities that these boys may lie about but still make me feel beautiful, I'm sorry that I don't know my own worth and I never will because all I ever attract is fuckboys.
They don't even have to be fuckboys, the guys I've messed with in the past have all been non committed, lying, untrustworthy, selfish, careless assholes. Or maybe I'm just exaggerating because they've all somehow found a way to fuck me over.
Current status: no lust or love
Current SO: no one
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Love or lust
Teen FictionIt was never easy, to tell the difference. Maybe she never wanted know the difference, because she feared she'd never be loved. But lust was enough to fill her needs, is what she desires far from reach? Does she come past love in her pathway full of...
