Dear God

Chapter 1

"Tari why?" she asked almost in tears. I had decided while I was waiting that I would tell Val only because I needed my sister. As I told her about the appointment this morning I could not help but look and trace my death bat tattoo of Brian.

"Val I can't watch all of your hearts break watching me die. But what's even worse is I don't think I could handle the pity and the thought of the guys canceling the tour or not working on the new album because I'm going to die is heart breaking." I finished wiping the tears from my face.

"Tari dear we are your family and we stick by each other through the good and the bad times. Through thick and thin, best and worst times, family til the end of time." I knew she was right but I was a coward.

"You need to tell Brian, but you need to let him talk first OK."

"I can't tell him he will cancel all of his obligations to sit and watch me die because he feels obligated to do so."

"Are we talking about the same Brian?" I nodded. "Tari you listen to me and listen good." She stated as she grabbed my left hand. "First you are not going to die there is a treatment plan and you have to do it. Secondly, do you see this?" Pointing to my tattoo of Brian.

"Yes" I answered.

"If he did not think you were the one he would have never and I mean never asked you to get his death bat on your left wrist. Your it for him he can't live without you in his life. Do you know how upset he is thinking that the last three years with you was a lie? He called Matt crying and said you left him. Matt got him to read your letter on speaker for us. That's when I called you. Sweetie don't you get it that man is head over fucking heels in love with you. You owe it to him, to your boys and most of all yourself to be honest and tell them. I will stand by your side while you tell Brian but you need to let him make his own decisions about this."

"Damn it Val I fucking hate it when your right. Would you have Matt bring Brian out I think that if Matt is here too it will be easier for Brian. And I don’t think Bri should drive." She smiled and grabbed her phone telling Matt where we were and to bring Brian.

Not even fifteen minutes had past and the door slammed open and there he was in all his perfection kneeling in front of me, rubbing my knees. His eyes were red rimmed from crying. One would never think that someone like him wouldn't cry but he does.

"Baby what is going on? Why did you leave? I love you so much whatever I did wrong I am really really truly sorry and will do anything to make it right." Crap now I feel like a complete and utter ass!

"You did nothing wrong Bri its me please believe that." I sobbed.

"Babe I came home to ask you a question and all I got was a letter basically telling me you don't love me anymore. Why?"

I looked at Val I had no clue what to do or say.

"Brian I think you need to ask Tari your question first then she will feel comfortable enough to tell you why before she can answer your question." Val told him and he nodded, thank the dear lord for her.

"Tari Ann Kelley I love more than my own life and I don't see any kind of future without you in it. I don't care if that future is for five minutes or 50 years. Would you give me the honor of being my wife, will you marry me?" He was on one knee now with the most beautiful ring in hand how could I say no, but I had to let him know what was wrong first. I owed him that then if he wanted to take back his proposal he could.

"Brian before I give you an answer I need to tell you something and if you want to take back your proposal know that I will understand because I want you to know you are under no obligation to stay with me. Please don't interrupt because this is really hard for me."

He nodded his acknowledgment and hesitantly took my hand still kneeling in front of me looking into my pain filled blue eyes with nothing but love and concern in his brown eyes.

"I went to the doctor today and the results from all the tests came back. Brian he told me I have a cancerous tumor that is attached to my spinal cord at the base of my neck, he gave me 6 months to a year to live with no treatment. If I have surgery there is a 40% chance I will be paralyzed from the neck down and then have to go through chemotherapy. I'm so sorry." I whispered and looked back into his eyes because the only way I was able to tell him was if my eyes were close. His beautiful brown eyes were in shock, but never left mine. He fell back so he was sitting on the floor in the process he let go of my hand. I think he was soaking in what I just told him. I glanced at Val and Matt, Val was holding one my hands and the other was holding Matt's. Matt looked just as stunned as Brian. I looked back at Brian to try to figure out what he was thinking, but I couldn't take the waiting any longer so I got up and walked out to the balcony that over looks the ocean.

The thoughts in my mind were that he was going to take the proposal back and tell me to bugger off he didn't need my burdens. I put my face in my hands and started crying.