Simula
Nag angat ako ng tingin sa kaniyang mukha. The frame of her heart shaped face is too small. Inobserbahan ko ang mga mata niyang abelyana. Her eyes were reflecting the chandelier above us. Para akong nakalutang. Ang malambing na tinig ng isang babaeng mang aawit ay kinukulayan ang buong hotel kung saan dinaraos ang reception ng kasal ni Kuya Havier at Ate Mia.
I stared at her eyes once more. Hinagod ko iyon ng tingin pababa sa kaniyang labi. Her lips were half open making me feel the feel the urge to plant my lips on it. Huminga ako nang malalim. My breathing became so ragged suddenly.
"Callixta?" Mababa ang tinig kong pag banggit sa pangalan niya. Mahina ngunit sapat na para marating ng kaniyang mga tainga
She lifted her face to look at me. Its a swift action but it seems like a slow motion for me. Just like a scene from a disney movie, naramdaman ko ang pagbilis ng tibok ng puso ko at ang tanging naririnig ko lamang ay ang musika habang nakatitig sa tila ba'y nag iisang tao na nandito sa harap ko. The crowd was just a blur. Para bang mga bokeh na lang ang lahat maliban sa kaniya.
"Yes Hunt" She smiled sweetly enough to reach her eyes. Gumuhit ito ng maliit na linya sa magkabilaang gilid ng kaniyang mga mata. Damn. I couldn't ask for more. Life is so much better from here than out there without her.
Lumunok ako nang malalim. My movements became so stiff. Para bang nais ko na lamang manatili sa kinatatayuan ko ngunit ang mga binti ko ay nagkakaroon ng sariling buhay at nagpapaubaya sa saliw ng tugtugin.
"Pwede bang..." Tumikhim muna ako. I want to hold back my tears, my fears, and everything that is keeping me from doing what I planned to do so. Pero nasimulan ko na. Pero what if. What if hindi pa siya handa? What if she said no? What if she will reject me because this is not what she wants. Maybe she will think that I am taking things too far and fast?
"Pakasal na tayo Callixta. Pupwede ba?" Umiwas ako ng tingin. My eyes were unfocus. Ni hindi ko alam kung saan dapat sumulyap hindi ko lang makita ang mga mata niya upang hindi malaman ang reaksyon nito. Natatakot ako. Natatakot ako na baka pag tumingin ako roon ay makuha ko ang sagot na ikakadurog ko.
"If you're not yet ready okay lang. I can wait Callixta. Alam mo yon. I can wait anytime. I won't--."
She planted her lips on mine.
"Yes." She said between kisses.
It wasn't that loud but it was enough to rattle my heart with bliss. On that moment I wanted to cry. I wanted to scream. I wanted to tell everybody how lucky I am to have this lady. Cause damn it man. Having her with me is such a million blessings already! Lord, magtira ka naman. Parang binuhos mo na ata ang lahat nang ibinigay mo siya.
On that night, I am already sure that she is the woman that I am going to spend my life with. That she is the woman that I am going to see everytime I wake up in the morning and the last person that I will see when I sleep.
Everything was already settled. The house, the future plans and the future adventures that we are going to have. Ang alam ko ay hindi na ako mangangamba na mawawala pa siya sa akin. I am going to give my all to her now. Bakit pa ba siya mawawala di'ba?
Yes. I gave my all. I gave everything that I didn't left anything for myself. Kaya nang iniwan niya ako ay walang natira sa akin. I was so empty. So empty, I tried to kill myself.
It all happened that one morning. That one morning that I woke up on the same bed where we slept that night. I was expecting her to be by my side but she was nowhere to be found. Ang akala ko ay nasa kusina lamang siya at nagluluto na ng agahan. Pero ang nadatnan ko lang ay ang tahimik na kusina at sala. Nanikip ang dibdib ko. Habol habol ko ang paghinga ko nang bumalik ako ng kwarto.
My hands were trembling as I opened the closet door. Para bang mabubuway ako sa kinatatayuan ko. I suddenly felt week. My knees? I couldn't feel them. Tanging ang nangingibabaw na pakiramdam ay ang paninikip ng dibdib. Hindi makawala ang mga luha. They are concealing themeselves. Walang luhang kumakawala. Pero tangina. Sobrang sakit.
I dialed her number. There was no answer. Para na akong mababaliw. On my final attempt, hindi na rin kinaya ng mga luha ko ang lokohin ang sarili nila. Bumigay na rin sila. Hindi na kinaya ang pagpapanggap na okay lang ang lahat. Kasi putangina. Hindi okay ang lahat. I just lost my dreams that is already in my hands. I lost my future. I lost my everything. Ano ang natira sa akin? Is there anything left for me?
I lost hope. I lost my mind. Huli kong tinawagan ang mommy niya. It was my final resort. Pero pinatayan niya rin ako. Hindi ako natinag. I won't stop until I have an idea on what the hell is going on.
Sinagot din naman ito ng mommy niya after numerous attempts. Tumikhim muna ako upang linawin ang boses. Ngunit bago pa ako makapagsalita ay inunahan na ako ni Tita Rosell. The mother of Callixta.
"Huwag mo na kaming kulitin hijo. Wala na si Callixta. Nasa amin na siya. Ayaw na niya sa'yo! Tigilan mo na siya."
After hearing those words all of the questions that I have, only one thing left. And it is why.
Why did she left me? Masaya naman kami last night. Why did she do it? Hindi naman kami nag away. Why did she left? Ang sabi niya hindi niya ako iiwan. Why did she broke me? Ang sabi niya hindi niya ako sasaktan. Why there are tears on my eyes? Ang sabi niya hindi ako iiyak dahil nasasaktan. Why am I alone? Ang sabi niya hindi ako mag iisa.
Paano yung anak namin? Callixta and I are expecting a baby. Ganoon na lang ba iyon? Ganito lang ba kadali sa kaniya ang lahat? How about her? How about my child? How about our family? Why did God let everything lead to this? Am I not worth staying for?
Is a happy ending is too much to ask for?
