Somewhere Between Then and Now

Prologue

Amelia

"Her eyes tell a story if you take away the smile; her eyes reveal lies that have been going for miles; they show you the hurt, they show you the pain; they show you who's to blame."

I want to go back to when I made little blanket forts, jumping around and fighting dragons to protect my ever so valuable kingdom. Where the princess always got her prince and I could put all of my five year old worries on hold. I want to spin my sister around, pretending that we are at Cinderella's ball and nothing can ruin our magical night. I want to go back because nobody told me that when grew up my mind would become my kingdom and the dragons were the thoughts inside. Nobody told me that I'd fight a losing battle and that my heart would never belong to a prince. Nobody told me that my kingdom would fall and destroy everything in it's path Life sucks and that's the bottom line. You and I live in a world where fairy tale endings don't exist and everything seems to go wrong. There is no use in looking for hope, joy, or love because as soon as you find it, it will be snatched up and taken elsewhere. The people you love and trust most will inevitably leave you at one point or another; most likely at the point you need them most. I would know. Now I am sitting on the bathroom floor in a puddle created by the tears of lonely. I am ready to die. I don't want to be a burden on anyone else, and I don't have the strength to take the dark, judgmental eyes that stare at me in the hallways. I'm done, just done. I'm stuck here wishing, blade in hand, that I knew what happened that night. Thinking of all the events fate had laid out, and which one I should have changed to still have my best friend with me. Maybe if I hadn't gotten so angry he'd be here with me tonight, wrapping me in the safest arms I've ever felt and wiping the tears away from my face. He would comfort me with his wittily serious words of optimism that calm my heart. I would stare into his blue eyes and smile at the thought of how different we are; how we are complete opposites, and hardly ever understand each other but somehow his presence still makes me feel better. If he were here, I'd be calmer. I wouldn't be such a mess. But I have lost him completely, there's no chance of getting him back. He is too far away from me, and no matter how much I want to reach out my hand for him, I can't. He's gone, and I'm stuck in this black hole called my mind. Wondering, how somewhere between then and now one girl caused so much destruction.

Jeremy

"Not everything is as it seems; sometimes reality gets mixed with dreams; but her dreams are ugly; her dreams are cold; I entered her mind; I thought I could be bold."

I want to go back to when Amelia and I were innocent and carefree. When I was her prince and we would go on wondrous adventures together. When our imaginations ran wild with the impossible, and we shared everything. When our biggest problem was not being able to eat cupcakes for dinner. I want to go back to before we grew up and the teenage years hit. Before Amelia broke and couldn't handle her own thoughts anymore. I want to gain my optimistic look on life back. It's not her fault. It's all my fault. If I would have kept my mouth shut, she wouldn't have pushed me away. She wouldn't have been angry that night, and I might still be with her. I wouldn't be stuck here, forever wondering what happened to make her finally break; what pushed her off the edge. I wouldn't have to ponder how a girl filled with so much perfection and kindness could learn to hate herself more than anything else. How a girl hurts so much that her only response is to put herself through even more pain. I see her everyday, and she can still make me smile but every time I try to talk to her something stops me. I wish that I could hold her and tell her that everything will be alright. If only I could find a way to tell her that she is indeed still very loved. I want to take the blade out of her hand because I hate to see her hurting. But I can't. We are too far away from one another now. I spend most of my time, and cannot stop thinking about how we got here. How the 5 year old Amelia I knew became a 17 year old ticking time bomb. Something changed somewhere between then and now, and I need to figure out what that is. It is a matter of life and death that I find a way to tell her what really happened that night. I need to defuse the bomb by telling her that she didn't do anything wrong. I need to tell her before she does something really stupid.