Maggie's Reasons 101 Reasons Why Life Just Isn't Worth It

Chapter One

February 28, 2016: The Beginning

I woke up this morning with a pain in my chest. It was emotional, of course, because I'm terribly emo, though I try my best to conceal it with clever irony and well placed comments. To be perfectly honest, I find writing about myself very difficult because I never know what to say. So I suppose I'll just narrate for now and hope that runs smoothly.

As I was saying, I woke up with a pain in my chest, but not because of Eli, who I'll discuss at a later date. This was a change because a lot of my emotional endeavors span from him as much as I hate to admit it. His name puts a gross taste in my mouth and a disgusting feeling in my stomach. Like I said, I don't like admitting that he has a drastic effect on me, because I don't want to admit that anyone has hurt me.

Truth is, I don't really know what I'm doing, so I love people who are unapologetically themselves, like my friend Summer. No one can deny that she has faults, and I don't even really think that she can deny that she has faults, but she owns them, and that's great. In fact, I spent all day today with her. And it was one of the best I've had in a long time, so that's why I wanted to start with today.

Okay, so I started off with the whole abstract, "I started the day in pain" emo bullshit, and that was because yesterday was pretty bad, despite having finally figured out the ropes at my new job and having eaten two slices of pizza that I didn't have to pay for. And so when I woke up this morning, the only feeling to feel was the feeling I had felt from the last time I had been awake, logically.

So my dad woke me up by posing a moral dilemma with one sentence. "I think going to church could help this." Thank you, Dad. You ruin my life constantly.

So despite my not having a set religion and worshipping sleep more than any sort of deity, I hated admitting that he was right. I put on a dress and a new pair of boots, negating the whole "not caring at all", if we're being perfectly honest, but I made sure to keep a disinterested face during the opening hymns, which was easy because they project the lyrics on a screen in front of everyone and I always forget my glasses, so not being able to see had its advantage.

You see, my church is actually pretty cool. They usually have donuts and coffee out for the 9:00 service, so that makes it somewhat worth it, but today it was slim pickings, which didn't improve my mood even slightly.

The kids in youth group, I hate to admit are a lot more interesting than any sermon to me, so I usually subject myself to their weeny discussions about how Adam and Eve actually lived on Mars and took an escape pod to Earth to populate it. It's a real hoot.

There is a plus side to it, and his name is Jared. I don't have any interest in dating him and I wouldn't even say I have a crush on him, but he does make my heart sing.

Unfortunately today, he managed to catch a not-so-rare sight of me geeking out. I have a nasty habit of talking to myself and in the midst of conversing with lonely old me, I made eye contact with him. It wasn't one of those horrible embarrassing seventh grade moments that these girls have to omg over with their friends, but it wasn't the best.

In reconciling this social slip-up, another one of my bad habit reared its head. I have a tendency to talk very fast around people I don't know very well to playfully disarm them, so that's what happened with Jared. Lucky for me he took it in stride and we managed a solid 30 second conversation. I consider that a win.

In the midst of last night's drama, my father had promised to let me see my friends today. This included the aforementioned Summer, but also Elsa and Savana. I've known Summer since the fourth grade, but I had only really met Elsa once, and I had never met Savana.