Better Sorry than Safe

25.

Sem stared at Blake's curious face. He could just turn around and walk away. For some reason not only Shannon, but also Sophie and Emma decided not to tell everyone. So many people knew, though. Wasn't it only a matter of time before he was out now? He was so tired of lying and stressing over it. Too goddamn tired. 

"You're not horrible at the advice thing. And..." Sem opened his mouth, closed it, then finally just lifted his shoulders. "You're the only other gay person I know."

"The only other gay person?" Blake's eyes widened. "Oh you are kidding me." 

"No, I'm not." 

"Hah!" Blake let out a triumphant laugh. "Karen so owes me a Frappuccino. I was totally right. I'm gonna rub that one in." 

His smile quickly faded when he noticed Sem's blank, utterly unamused stare. "Or I could not do that right now. It was just a friendly bet. I said I thought you, like, might be gay, she said you definitely weren't. Ahah, never mind that. So..." 

Blake glanced over his shoulder, then looked back at Sem. "Alright then. I'm far too curious not to now. Come in." 

After taking a seat on the couch in a surprisingly normal living room, Blake offered Sem a soda, and then took a seat in front of him. He stared expectantly at him, obviously wanting some sort of riveting story. But it was only now that Sem realised how much of a jumbled mess everything was in his head. He hardly knew how to even begin. 

"My ex-girlfriend found out about my-- about Connor last weekend. That I like guys," Sem finally started, "I thought she told the entire school. Why the hell didn't she? It'd be the perfect revenge." 

"Mmm," Blake thought out loud, tapping his bottom lip. "Maybe she's not a revenge-y type? Not everyone is out to ruin lives."

Sem couldn't help but let out a laugh. "Oh, she is, trust me. She's psycho. Still hates my guts for dumping her. Get over it already." 

"Ah. Well if she hates you," Blake perked up in his chair, "Isn't knowing she got this hanging over your head, in a way, worse? Like, any moment she wants she can tell whoever?" 

"Maybe." 

True enough, it'd constantly be in the back of his mind from now on. But it could also be that she just wanted to make Connor dump him, the same way he dumped her, cause some chaos with his parents, and stop there after all. 

"Anyway, you're safe for now. In closet status at school confirmed." Leaning over, Blake grabbed his phone from the table. "But, moving on to more interesting topics; who's Connor, your boyfriend?" 

There was suddenly a painful tightness in Sem's throat, and he swallowed difficultly. "I'm not sure."

"Oh, okay," Blake replied absentmindedly, tapped some buttons, "Is this Connor?" 

Sem automatically looked at the screen when Blake all but shoved the phone in his face, Connor's Facebook picture was zoomed out on display. There was a pang in his chest. "Yeah," he muttered, "That's him." 

He pushed the phone away from his face and out of sight, and Blake easily complied, turning it back to himself. "Hot college boy huh? Yum. Does he have, like, single friends? Where can I find one of these?" 

"We met because I have football practices next to his jogging path. Still do." Sem looked down at his hands. "But it's all gone to hell. That's what I meant with my ex is definitely vengeful. Bitch got to him, said some nasty shit about me, and now he wants to think things over." 

"...Oh." Sem felt Blake's eyes on him. "Awkward. Sorry to hear it," he said, "Like, honestly. Even if you're a fuckboy." 

"Yeah, 'fuckboy' alright. Everything is messed up," Sem leaned against the couch, titling his head back to stare at the ceiling, "My boyfriend doesn't want to see me, I'm grounded for the whole clubbing thing, and school and Shannon."  

"Oh please," Blake said, and Sem could almost hear the eye roll, "Put on your big boy pants. If that ex of yours does decide to go little tattle-tale on you, you're this brawny tough testosterone kick boxer bro. You can just punch their teeth out if they or others try to pick on you. If my cute and petite little ass can survive the backlash since primary school, then you definitely can handle a year or two."

Sem looked at Blake, narrowing his eyes at him. "That doesn't mean I want to handle it," he retorted, "I was perfectly fine with waiting high school out and then see what I was going to do. I was fine with clubbing, and don't know, pretending I didn't want a girlfriend and sidestep the issue. As if high school relationships last. Usually. I wasn't expecting to find someone I like this much."  

"Just out of curiosity then: would you?" Blake was studying him, suddenly complacent, "Go out and proud for this Connor?" 

"That doesn't matter either way. He doesn't want us to be out and proud, that's not going to fix it. He just doesn't trust me anymore."

Though, Connor did end up thinking he was messing around with Emma, and with those other girls he was photographed with at the clubs. He couldn't take the stuff with Daniel and Lisa back. But if he was openly gay, Connor would no longer have a reason to think Sem was manslutting around, pretending to be straight by flirting with and kissing girls behind his back. 

"I..." Sem hesitated. Who mattered to him more in the end?  Losing Nick would sting. But while Shannon was going on her rampage, he'd been more worried about Connor's reaction than anyone else's combined. "...Would be willing to be out for him. It's only a matter of time now before someone talks right. And if it would mean he'd take me back, I would. There's no point doing it if he wouldn't."

"You know him better than I do, I was just wondering, like, if you would. How much you want him back. But let's cheer up," A smile lit up Blake's face, "Your friends know nothing. Enjoy it while it lasts, go do football trainings with them, or whatever you fuckboys do to bond. You do still go to those trainings no?"  

"Uh, I'm grounded, and mom said she wasn't allowing me to go to any of my sport clubs." 

Sem hadn't thought much about football since Connor. The membership fees had already been paid though, and technically seen there was nothing but his mom's words stopping him. "I guess I'll go if she happens to be working, and I can sneak out. Why?" 

"No reason at all, just curious," Blake replied casually, a small smile still tugging up his lips. "You know, you didn't ask for my opinion, but I'm going to give it to you anyway. I think you should tell them yourself. They're like, not real friends anyway if they drop you for this, so the sooner the better. Rip off that bandaid asap before you drive yourself nuts over this."  

Blake raised his shoulders in a shrug. "And if everything fails, Connor doesn't take you back, your friends don't want to be your friends, you can always go hit the gay bars with me. They'll definitely want you there. You'll pull tons of guys who love the whole straight-acting thing you got going on."

Sem snorted. "Heh. I might've went for that if you'd told me that about a year ago." That is, if he hadn't been too scared shitless of actually entering such bars. But ripping off the bandaid was definitely more his style than playing the waiting game. 

"It's funny. I didn't think I'd ever listen to the advice of someone who thinks ball-tight pink pants are an acceptable choice too but," Sem briefly paused, "Thanks I guess. I'll think about it." 

"Hah! Don't make too many illusions here babe," Blake grinned, his eyes shining, "I'm not giving you advice. This is pure self-interest. If you come out, it'll take the heat off of me. Your neanderthal friends will be too busy beating you up to bother with me. Very convenient." 

Sem found himself smiling at Blake for just a fleeting moment. He leaned forward and gave Blake a push against his shoulder. "Yeah right, like they can beat me up. I should've known. Thanks a lot, faggot." 

"Whatever." Blake rolled his eyes, still smiling. "You're welcome, fuckboy."