“As if on cue.” I say and Peeta laughs. I sigh and get out of bed to go to the front door. I wish these doors had peepholes so I could see who it is, but that would apparently be to “out of the ordinary” for District 13. I grab the door handle and open the door. I look into the grey, Seam eyes of my best friend Gale. He looks almost shocked that I answered the door, almost like he didn’t want me to. Like he was hoping to knock and when no one answer just say, “Oh well, I tried.” And walk away.
“Oh, hey. I didn’t expect you to be awake.” He says as if reading my thoughts. I just shrug my shoulders.
“Well, Layla woke up hungry so I had to feed her and put her back to bed. Peeta and I were just talking actually.” I say eyeing behind me to look into my room. I shut the door.
“Oh, I’m sorry. Go back; I can talk to you later.” He says starting to turn.
“No, wait. It’s okay. I can talk. Maybe Peeta will be able to sleep for a while without me waking him up screaming.” I say.
“You scream in your sleep?” Gale asks me.
“Only when I have nightmares.” I say shrugging. I walk out of the door and slide down to sit on the floor; leaning against the wall. I pat the spot next to me and Gale sits down. I wait for him to speak.
“Katniss, I’m sorry.” He says quietly.
“Sorry? For what?” I ask him.
“Trying to get in the way. I shouldn’t have tried to come between you and Peeta I just, got jealous. I mean, I have known you for a while now and I was actually planning on telling you how I feel. But one day when we were in the woods, that one day. You told me you would never get married or have kids and I was crushed inside. I decided to try and let you go. I dated a few girls, but all they did was make me long for you even more.” He says. I just sit there in shock as I remember that day. The day I told Gale. It was only two years ago. It was right before the Reaping of the 73rd Hunger Games. We were hunting and it just kind of spilled out. Out of nowhere.
“Gale I’m… I’m really sorry. I didn’t realize what I have done to you. One year I tell you I’m not going to fall in love and then the next, I’m married. I just. Can’t explain to you how sorry I am.” I say because it hurts me to see him upset. I look over at him and he is looking across the hall at the plain white wall. I look closer at his face and see, for only the second time in my life, a tear. The only other time was when Rory was hurt. I can’t stand it. I can’t stand knowing I’m the cause of his pain. I’m the reason that my tough, best friend has sank down to actually crying. I can’t stand it anymore so I lean over and kiss him. He seems shocked at first, but then he kisses me back. Really Katniss? Again? I think to myself as I realize I’m married and I’m kissing someone other than my husband. But this kiss has no effect on me at all. I know it must mean the world to Gale and that’s why I keep kissing him. Speaking of Peeta, look who decided to show up. I pull away from Gale and I look at Peeta. Not again. I know what Peeta is thinking. I know what is going through his mind by the look on his face. There is only sadness. And I have caused that as well. But I can’t exactly walk over and kiss him like I did Gale. I stand up, but Gale stays on the floor. I look at Peeta and I can feel hatred in his eyes. I can see the anger burning around the blue but his face stays with a sad expression. He sighs and walks back inside. He all but slams the door. I look at Gale who has his hands covering his face.
“Katniss, that’s what I mean. I keep getting in the way. Sometime during this war I’m just going to get myself killed so you can be happy.” He says. No, there is no way he means that.
“No you won’t. You are going to stay alive and continue to be my friend. And that, that was not your fault. It was mine. Now I have to go make Peeta happy with me again. If possible. I will see you later Gale.” I say and turn for my door. I walk in so soundlessly. I look at the clock on the wall. It’s already 5:30. No point in going back to sleep. Plus I can hear Layla again. She usually gets up at this time anyways. I walk to her bedroom and pick her up out of her crib. I sit in the rocking chair and rock her, but I know she won’t go back to sleep. I sit there and I can feel him come in. I don’t look up though, but I know he hasn’t left.
“Delly use to be your best friend. Someone you knew everything about. What if she loved you? What if, even after all you two have gone through, you still didn’t love her back? What if she had to watch you be in love with another girl and finally broke down in front of you. Cried, though she never cries. And you have to feel the guilt of being the reason for those tears. And you know no other way to calm her but to give her what she wants. Just a single kiss, I know, meant the world to him. I didn’t feel anything though Peeta. I really didn’t. I felt nothing. No sparks or fireworks. Nothing. That kiss meant nothing more than to make him happy. That’s all.” I say never looking at him. I keep looking at my daughter and I feel a shift in the room. I feel him walking to me and that’s when I finally look up to him and see the tear marks running down his face. I feel more guilt as I know I am also the reason for those. Finally, he speaks.
“Katniss, I understand you intentions. I just… I need… some time. Some time to figure things out. I won’t be more than 2 weeks, I’m hoping. I just, Finnick is going to let me stay with him.” He says and my heart breaks into what can only be a millions pieces. What have I done? I get up and put Layla in her crib. I turn around and lean back on the bar. Peeta left. No one is there. He is actually gone. I may not see him for another 2 weeks. I don’t even remember starting this, but before I know it, I’m hitting myself with the palm of my hand to my forehead and I keep saying.
“Stupid, stupid, stupid! You idiot Katniss. What have you done? Stupid!” I am almost screaming it. I’m in tears now and I fall to the ground.
“Stupid Katniss. You are so stupid. How could you be so stupid. How could you-” I’m cut off by someone’s arms around me and I look up to see that I was wrong. Peeta didn’t leave yet and he just watched me break down.
“Please stop calling yourself that Katniss. You aren’t stupid. We all make mistakes.” He says into my ear. I start crying more. Wow, I have turned really soft lately. I sit there while he holds me, but for right now it feels foreign.
“Katniss I’m sorry. I won’t leave I promise. Just don’t call yourself stupid.” He says.
“Peeta, do what you feel you need to do. I am stupid. Actually you are. I don’t deserve you but you stay right next to me. That’s stupid.” I say.
“Katniss, I would be stupid if I left like I said I was going to. I can’t even think of going to bed without you in my arms. I didn’t think about what I said until you started saying that about yourself. I’m sorry I scared you. And you do deserve me Katniss. I’m the one that doesn’t deserve you.” He says.
“Neither of us deserve each other okay? Maybe that’s why we are perfect for each other.” I say into his shirt. He hears me though and he pushes me away from his hug to give me a long kiss. A warm kiss. I firework kiss. A bad kiss. When I pull away I look at him.
“I really should have washed my mouth out again.” I say and all he can do is laugh. He helps me up and I put my arms around his midsection. I don’t want a romantic hug or anything, I want one like I’m hugging my best friend, which I am. Peeta is a lover, a husband, a father, a sweat heart, but most importantly, he is my best friend. Then, there is another knock on the door and I see it is 6 a.m. wow, time flies. We both go to the door this time and once again, there is Gale. Only he looks worried.
“I’m sorry. I really am. But you two need to come with me right now. It’s an emergency.” He says pulling us both out of the door.
“Wait! We can’t just leave Layla.” I say. Gale sighs and walks past us to her room. He walks back out with her in his arms and hands her to me.
“You guys, this is very urgent.” He says with a wild look in his eye. Oh no. Stay calm Katniss. Just stay calm.
