Darling, This Is Paris

“How did you – “

“The stairs,” he finishes with a heavy breath. “I had to run, though.”

“Oh.”

He scratches the back of his neck. “Um, so, how are you?”

“Great. Fantastic, actually,” she says, the end of her reply concluding in a minor squeak; a clear indication of her nervousness. “You?”

“I’m okay, yeah.” He licks his bottom lip; it's a clear indication of his nervousness. “I, uh, it’s great to see you, El.”

“You too, Louis,”

With a slight tilt of the head in what she labels a speedy ‘goodbye,’ Eleanor walks past the boy she had once loved to the long line of paintings she has come to see. She clutches the map tightly in her sweaty palm, her heart beating like a worn drum. Everything within her is showering in worry – worry of the previous events of her complicated life, worry of what’s happening now, and worry of what’s going to happen as the boy stumbles in step with her.

“I never got to say,” he begins, “congratulations on getting the scholarship for Clementine. I know how much you wanted to come to Paris to study.”

“It was my dream,” she states nonchalantly, “I achieved it like you achieved yours.”

“It’s not the same, you know, without you there.”

She stops in her tracks, craning her neck to look at him. “My being there shouldn’t change your outlook on your dreams.”

“You’re my dream, El.”

She almost snorts. “We’re in an art museum, Louis, not the set of a Nicholas Sparks movie.”

“This is Paris,” he adds on smirkingly, “I can say that kind of stuff here. It’s the city of love, remember?”

“I remember.” She nods her head. “And, I also remember that I’m not the only person who ever came to Paris with you.”

His shoulders fall. They’re back at square one – they’re quarrelling on the one subject in his life Louis Tomlinson cannot solely control. “Yes, but you’re the only person who I admitted to loving here. Eleanor, you know I loved you – I still love you –"

“You stopped fighting for me, Louis.” She remarks, cutting him off. “You stopped fighting for us. What was I supposed to do? Sit around and take every piece of hate that came at me, like it didn’t matter at all that more than half your fans think I’m some sort of crazy beard, being paid to date you so you can hold hands with your best mate when cameras aren’t around? I took it for two and half years before I realized I couldn’t do it anymore.”

“Things have…changed now.”

“Really? What? What’s changed?”

He gulps. “I’m older and there are things I can do for myself that management can’t stop anymore. I want you back, Eleanor, please.”

She shakes her head. “No. I can’t go back there. I can’t live through that kind of thing again. It nearly killed me, Louis. I was one step away from doing the unspeakable after that award show. That is the kind of thing they drove me to. I had to build myself up again, find a new beginning, all the while questioning why it’s so wrong for me be with someone I love. When I got the study abroad scholarship to Paris, I knew that was my one chance at change and I took it, even if it meant leaving you behind.”

He takes a small step forward, a new boldness creeping up on him. “Do you still love me?”

She looks up at him, both loathing and adoring their nearness. Truth is she’s missed this. She’s missed being with him, so close that she can count each breath they take. “I…it’s not that simple.”