Balls: Ball Games Book One

Dear Reader

You may be reading this novella from outside of South Yorkshire, England. This story is centred around the Turner family, who I hope you will become familiar with as I write further novellas in the series, all complete stand-alone stories. While I refrained from writing in the broad Yorkshire style of 'Where's tha bin?' (Where have you been), I did want to leave in some British and Yorkshire words as I love providing an opportunity to learn new rude words, (I'm naughty like that.) So what follows is a list* of what you will come across in the novella. If I've missed any feel free to contact me and I'll teach you what they mean. I hope you have fun reading the story. It came about after a meeting of like-minded book readers in Birmingham. We happened to visit a sweet shop that sold Camel Balls (you can Google them if you don't know what they look like). As some of the meet-up were bloggers who had formed an alliance called All for the Love, myself and fellow author Beth Ashworth joked that we would have our own group, The Camel Balls.

Such is a writer's imagination that a few months later when I saw some ebooks with rude titles I thought it would be fun to write one called Balls. At first it was a joke and I did a mock book cover. The next thing I know Camille is talking in my head.

Love Andie.

Christmas Day 2015.

British/Yorkshire Slang.

Argos catalogue - not slang but you may like to know that this is a catalogue of a shop that sells homeware.

Arse/Arsehole - idiot.

Arse licker - someone is extra complimentary to someone to get treated better.

Banter - chat.

Belch - burp.

Binning - in this novella throwing away. Also used for raining, eg binning it down and when ending a relationship, eg Ha ha you've been binned.

Bog - toilet/loo.

Bollock freezing - very, very cold.

Bugger all - nothing. Sometimes for emphasis we say shit bugger all.

Buster - mate but used in a way like told you so, ie Take that buster.

Cracked - crazy.

Crisp packet - a packet that holds what the US call potato chips.

Cuppa - cup of tea.

Dickhead - stronger use of idiot, used with disdain when you really want to insult someone

Don't give a toss - not bothered.

Dork - a person acting stupid.

Folks - parents.

Fucking me around - messing about.

Git - idiot. Tends to be used jokily, eg someone plays a trick on you, *chuckle* You git.

Hammered - very drunk.

Hit the sack - go to bed.

In a tick - Will do in a moment if you just give me a minute or two.

Knobhead - idiot. Can be used jokily or to be awful. If you're joking, laugh as you say it, *chuckle* You knobhead. To be rude, dangle your little finger near your forehead to indicate a tiny penis and say it.

Lazy arse - lazy bottom, ie spending too much time sitting down. Does not mean lazy idiot despite the definition of arse on its own (above).

Moron - idiot.

Pissing around/about - messing about.

Pissing contest - men getting competitive, as in practically marking areas with their urine to demonstrate dominance.

Pissing it down - raining.

Pissed - drunk. This word does not mean angry here.

Rat-arsed - very drunk.

Silly old cow - an older woman you are annoyed with.

Smug git - someone who is extra pleased with themselves.

Skinny minny - thin person.

Tap you - have sex with you.

Take the piss - make fun of.

Three sheets to the wind - drunk.

Tons - a lot.

Totty - people to lust over.

Twat - a word for vagina, used to say a person is a despicable person.

Wankstain - stronger use of idiot, used with disdain when you really want to insult someone.

Whinge-bag - someone who complains a lot.

*I've had so much fun compiling this list!