Virtue & Vanity (SAMPLE)

CHAPTER SIX

The wedding day I had been dreading arrived, and all I wanted was to hide somewhere no one could find me. An army of makeup artists and stylists marched into my room to transform me into a gorgeous bride. For the first time in my life, I felt beautiful. My blonde hair was loose and curled, with a beautiful tiara that pulled it up. The brown depths of my eyes were accentuated with a river of mascara and it seemed that my cheeks, which were usually as pale as snow, now had a healthy shade of pink. But some crucial part was missing, because everything felt wrong and I thought I was a fraud. Tears were forming in my eyes but I bit down on my lips and decided that not crying would to be the one thing I could control. No matter how pitiful my marriage would probably turn out to be, I swore I wouldn't shed a tear at my own wedding. When I was ready at last, I heard a knock on the door and it flew open before I could invite in whoever was on the other side. It was the last person I wanted to see—my mother. I couldn't help but thinking she must have come to check if I was still in the submissive mode she so desperately wanted to keep me in. She approached me with a wide smile on her face.

"My, oh my, Isabelle. Look at you. You look absolutely gorgeous. Stunning. Sebastian won't know what hit him when he sees you." She walked around me and admired my looks.

"I'm sure he won't, Mother," I said with a sarcastic bite and managed to produce a fake smile, but as always, Mother didn't take my anxiety seriously at all.

"Oh, you poor thing. You must be afraid of what's going to happen tonight." I gasped at her words and blushed, because sadly, I would have preferred to discuss sex with anyone except my mother.

She took my hand and gave me a warm serpent-like smile. No matter how supporting she wanted to come across, she couldn't hide her true colors.

"There's no need to be afraid. You see..." It was apparent she was trying to prepare me for the wedding night, but it was the last thing on my mind. I was pretty sure that Sebastian wasn't interested in me in that way at all. I imagined different scenarios for the night, but us sleeping together definitely wasn't one of them.

"Mother, I don't think we have to—" I tried my best to reassure her.

"It's perfectly normal Isabelle, and you don't have to feel ashamed. It may be a little uncomfortable but it gets better in time. You just need to relax and follow your husband's lead." She looked like she was already priding herself with the fact that her daughter's virginity would be taken by a rich Everett heir that night.

"I understand. Please, let's not talk about it anymore." I just wanted to be away from her.

For a moment, we stood there like two strangers, not a mother and a daughter. I had nothing to say to her anymore and she seemed to be bouncing on her own nerves too, probably anguished with the fear that I wouldn't play my part right. The unpleasant circle of silence was interrupted by another knock on the door and I was informed that there were two cars waiting in front of the hotel. One of the cars was for me, and the other one for my mother and sisters. I felt relieved that I would get a few moments all to myself to collect my thoughts and to calm down.

Once in the car, my mind started processing Mother's words about the wedding night. I was so anxious and distracted by other things, that it had never occurred to me Sebastian might want to consummate our marriage that evening. My conscience was screaming, telling me that a man would never want to sleep with a woman he despised, but the little voice in the back of my mind told me that if he decided to do so, there was nothing I could do to stop him. Recollections of my short, but bitterly memorable, encounter with him appeared before my eyes and I was sure I didn't want to be intimate with that man, because no matter how gorgeous and beautiful he was, he terrified the hell out of me. I tried to make myself believe that nothing would happen that night. It was the only way I could ease my mind.

As the car pulled up in front of the church, I clenched my fists together, in a desperate attempt to summon all of my strength to the surface. The door opened and I felt a thousand eyes giving me their full attention. There were photographers taking pictures, as well as people who were just curious to see me. The family's bodyguard warned me to be calm when he guided me through the crowd to the front of the church. One of my uncles waited to walk me down the aisle. I took his hand and leaned on him, because suddenly my legs were shaking and I felt dizzy. I closed my eyes, imagining what it would be like if my father was alive and if he was the one walking me to the altar. And I so wished I was walking to a man I loved and who loved me back, but that was nothing but empty dreams. Absolute, deadly silence ruled inside the church. The only noise was the sound of my heavy shoes touching the floor. As I was walking, Chopin's Marche Funebre played in my mind, because it felt like I was attending my own funeral instead of a wedding. The closer I got to the altar, the louder the whispers of the Everett's family side became. Though I could not understand the words, I sensed they commented on my looks, my composure, or maybe how inadequate I was for the part that had been given to me.

Sebastian was already standing at the end of the aisle. They say there's a light at the end of the tunnel, but I felt like he was the dark at the end of my light. As expected, his posture was steady and unmistakably dominant. He offered me his hand and I took it warily, not daring to look up at him. Everybody was staring at us and I just wanted the whole charade to end, since I truly wasn't sure how much more I could take. Somehow, he could feel my distress and he leaned towards me, whispering so quietly in my ear to make sure I was the only one who could hear him.

"You don't have to do this, Isabelle. Just say the word and you will walk out free. It's not too late," he said it in a tone that made me think it didn't matter to him what my decision would be, but I knew there was no point of retreat. Not with my whole family witnessing my demise.

His suggestion had evoked such a strong emotion within me and I started trembling. I had to tighten my grip on his hand to keep myself from falling to the ground. The pastor approached the altar and the wedding ceremony officially began. After reading our names and asking if we were there of our own free will, he continued preaching about the meaning of love and marriage. My heart tightened into a miserable ball of regret and I was very grateful for the veil that covered my face so that he wouldn't see just how desperate I was. Unfortunately, I could still see him and he glanced at me with a revolted look on his face. Again, I felt unworthy of him. When the time for reading the vows and uttering 'I do's' came, Sebastian was the first one to say it. When it was my turn to seal the deal, I froze.

"I..." I hesitated for a moment, but then I finally managed to say it. "I do." I looked down to avoid his eyes.

"If anyone has a reason for these two not to wed, speak now or forever hold your peace," the pastor spoke to the crowd.

I remember quietly praying for somebody to say something, because it was my last chance for salvation, but the room remained silent.

"You may kiss the bride." The words startled me.

Sebastian removed my veil and my heart started pounding like it would jump out of my chest. Heat crept up my face and burned my cheeks when our eyes met for a split second. Then, my just-husband who had caused me nothing but pain in the short time I knew him, touched me for the first time ever. He lifted up my chin and I felt an electric shiver traveling through my body from the contact. His gaze remained focused on my face for a while. I closed my eyes when he leaned over to me. My trembling lips awaited the kiss that would be the seal of my fate. His lips were only inches from mine and his breath lingered on my skin. Every hair on the back of my neck stood up when the minty breeze mixed with the fumes of expensive cologne took over my senses. The short anticipation was suddenly broken when he moved away from my lips and gave me a cold kiss on the cheek. The flusters in the crowd became louder. Everybody seemed shocked by Sebastian's action. When I finally dared to open my eyes again he was staring at me contently, mocking me with his penetrating gaze and showing me once more that I was beneath him.