Finding Eleanor// BTVS Spike

01/Remembering Reality.

Song Above~Falling by Florence + The Machine

A/N: Some of my chapters will probably be out of order when it comes to the order of events in Angel. Just go with the flow, it will still basically make sense. Thank you for reading, lovie.

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I remember it all.

I shouldn't, but I do.

I remember the feeling of my lungs bursting, my bones shattering, and my vision going completely black as I tore apart the universe.

I remember screaming for someone- who was it...

It was a man with bleach blond slicked back hair and pale skin, I think.

S... Spike.

I'm certain that was his name- sometimes it's hard to remember, but the name is too familiar and pleasant to my tongue to be wrong.

I think I did it for him-tore apart the universe.

Tearing is more of the technical term for what I did. Instead of tearing, I shut it down to restart- kind of like a computer.

But why did it need to be restarted? Crap, I don't remember. Cmon, Eleanor, think!

It was... Because... The balance! The balance of champions was off!

Spike and this other man were fighting because they both wanted to be champions and turn human, but it could only be one of them, and it was throwing off the universe, killing people.

I didn't doubt that Spike could win- I knew he could, but not with the prophecy. The prophecy was for Angel and only Angel. I knew that the champion wasn't named, but I had a message- one from the powers that be.

They told me that it would be Angel in the end, no matter what. I'm not sure why they told me, all I know is that they trusted me with the information. I had to take it and run with it.

I cared too much about Spike to let him be disappointed and give up on himself. He deserved this.

I wanted him to have it so bad.

So, I sacrificed myself.

After many days of thinking, I figured out what I needed to do. I got the necessary incantations, herbs, and I found where the reset button was. It was hard to find, but not surprising.

I remember as I walked up the rotting stairs inside of the Statue of Liberty that I was ready to die. Not because I was depressed, but I felt like I had done everything I needed to in life- this was my final act.

Spike would never love me the way I loved him, and that was fine. I wasn't going to be one of those jealous types that always moped around about my unrequited love. Some things are not meant to be, and I wasn't going to waste my time believing differently.

Once I got to the top, I set the spell in motion, triggering the energy that radiated from the torch and making it ignite the switch. As I got to the final words, I screamed in pain as the switch tore through me. The last word of the incantation was the name of the person I loved the most, and I began screaming Spike's name, my vision fading to black as I pronounced his last syllables.

For the longest time it felt like I was floating in a place that didn't exist, but then I started becoming heavier- and then I was falling to the ground.

Before my skull's contents were strewn apart on the cracked pavement, everything froze, and I observed my surroundings.

It was like... People were "spawning". In some places where their hands should be there was just black spaces, and some of them had no facial features. Perhaps they were still loading?

Suddenly I disappeared- I could feel my body tear from reality once more, but this time with less violence.

When I opened my eyes, I was in a completely white room. I couldn't even tell where the walls were.

Then I became aware of two pairs of arms wrapped around me, one set holding me around my chest while cradling my back and the other pair wrapped around my legs.

As my eyes adjusted to the brightness of the white room, I turned my head slightly to the left and my eyes met the face of a woman.

She appeared to be made out of gold with blue swirled throughout, and her eyes were the color of sapphires. The woman looked down at me, sadness evident in her electric eyes and a sympathetic smile on her lips.

"My sweet darling, please do not be afraid," she said to me, a deepness in her voice that made her seem like a Goddess.

"She is here, and she is safe. I know how you treated my daughter, and I am not pleased. You will not be having her back," she began, looking at something in front of her.

"Unless she decides,"finished another deeper voice, the voice of a man. I shifted my view downwards to find a man with the same skin and eyes as the women. He was holding my legs across his lap, and I felt a strong vibe of protectiveness emitting from the two God-like figures.