I Love You But I Can't Breathe

Chapter Six

Harry sighed contentedly, sinking deeper into the pillows and finally letting himself relax, trying to ease his nerves before his appointment. 

* * * * * * * * * * * * * * 

"How did the tests go?" Niall asked, his blonde hair ruffling a little in the breeze. He held his scuffed up black Vans in one hand, bare feet denting a path in the sand as he walked. 

"He just said it'll take more time to process things," Harry sighed. "And then he's sending me to an allergy doctor. They ran so many tests on me, I don't know if that's normal." Harry turned away, trying to focus on the gentle wash of the tide and the cool sand beneath his feet- trying not to think of the Dr. Finley's assistant murmuring "It was another inconclusive one, I don't think I've seen that before."

"They probably just need to figure out what your problem is more specifically," Niall reassured him. "That way they can make sure you're treated effectively. I don't know anyone with asthma but I'm sure it differs person to person. They're probably just doing some normal tests, H." 

"I think the spirometery test was what they normally do? But today I had to do a airways responsiveness test, I think they called it? And he just gave me this look," Harry said, "like he didn't know what to tell me. And then they did FeNO testing and it felt like I got the wrong answer. They did three fucking tests, Ni. They just keep running them and then finding someone higher up to come look at the results. I'm sick of breathing into machines and stuff.  And they're sending me for more. Thought you just got handed an inhaler and went on your way."

"Haz," Niall said. "You're not the only person in the world with shitty lungs. They'll know what to do with you. I'm sure all these tests and stuff are normal. I mean, if one test doesn't answer their questions, then yeah I'm sure they'll do three or four to clear things up. You need to stop panicking, H. This is nothing they haven't seen before a million times. I'm sure they know what they're doing. And stop eavesdropping on all their medical terms," he added. "It's just gonna intimidate you."

Harry started to reply but startled back a little as a fish washed up on shore. It flopped around frantically as it tried to make it back to the water, as though it were struggling to breathe. "I know how you feel, little guy," Harry assured, as he quickly slipped the fish back into the sea.

Harry turned his attention back to Niall. "I've only had one fucking asthma attack. I don't know why the doctors keep trying to find something. There's nothing wrong with me," Harry insisted, picking up a stone and tossing it into the sea. 

Niall squeezed his shoulder. "It'll be okay, H," he said gently. He sat down in the sand, and pulled Harry down with him, feet just barely skimming the point where the water lapped up to. "Are you still moving in this week?" 

"Yeah," Harry nodded, trying to shake off his anxieties about the appointments. "You don't think Louis will get sick of me when he has to be around me every day, do you?" 

"Of course not!" Niall said. "Louis loves you so much. You know he never shuts up about you, right? When you first started dating he'd just be giggling to himself all day about something cute you said, and I swear it hasn't faded since then." 

Harry smiled, blushing as he dug his toes into the sand. 

Niall's brows furrowed. "What are you doing?" he asked. 

"What do you mean?" Harry asked, confusion flickering across his features. 

"Your scratching?" Niall pointed out. "Cut that out, H. You're gonna hurt yourself." 

Harry looked down as Niall clasped his hands in his, stopping the scratching motions Harry didn't even realize he was making on his thighs. 

"Oh!" Harry said, his brows arching in surprise. "I didn't notice. Guess I'm just a bit itchy. I've got a rash I think." 

"Ew," Niall said, and the two burst out laughing. 

"I'm too much of a mess for Louis," Harry whined once his laughter had settled. 

"Trust me- I've lived with the guy- he's a mess too, so it evens out," Niall smiled. "Besides, you keep forgetting the important part of this which is that you'll finally be living with me."

"Ah right," Harry smiled. "How could I forget?" he bumped Niall's shin with his foot, his green eyes dancing in the pale sunlight as he looked over at his friend. 

Harry wiggled his legs as they started to itch again. 

Niall sighed. "I hate to cut our romantic friend-date short, but we should probably put some aloe or calamine on that," he said, motioning toward Harry's legs. 

"Fine," Harry agreed, shaking the sand out of his shoes before he put them on. 

The two walked in comforting silence most of the way back to Harry's house, until Harry spoke up quietly. "Do you think I've done okay on my tests though?" 

"I promise you it's going to be okay," Niall reassured, reaching out to give Harry's hand a quick squeeze like they always did when one of them was nervous. It had become sort of a ritual for them over the years- a way to pass their strength on to the other when they needed it most. 

"Can you stay over tonight?" Harry asked. "A sleepover, like old times?" 

"Of course!" Niall said without hesitating. And that was part of why Harry loved Niall so much. Even though the younger boy was moving in with him within a few days and a sleepover was hardly necessary, Niall was still so quick to pick up on what Harry wanted, what helped him calm down when he was stressed, cheer up when he was sad, and Harry had learned to do the same for Niall. 

"What happens if it's not okay?" Harry asked. "The test results?"

"Then we'll get through it when we get there," Niall said, and gave Harry's hand a quick squeeze. 

AN: guess who's writing this when I should be writing a research paper.... "let's just procrastinate writing my 1800 word essay by writing 1800 words of fanfic". excellent idea. 

so how's everyone else doing? :)