Simple minds

The Sides of Love

    I'm in love. It's simple. Not sweet, cute, hearts and kisses love, but the aggressive love that keeps you up at night, the type of love that leaves with pain and sorrow instead of chocolates and romantic dates. The worst thing about this kind of love isn't even the balance of tears and hate, it's the truth. What I experience isn't the truth, it's an illusion cast out by my feelings. The thing is, I don't know who I have feelings for. 

    Of course I know who I love, it's just no one has fit in those characteristics. I can't describe what I want, no, need, in a person, but I have to find someone. It's the only way I'll keep my sanity, the only way I can function. These sounds I hear, these faces I look at, none of them feel right. None of them have felt right until I started writing this, an explanation for my actions. Not necessarily writing this made me feel this way, but something did. Someone did.

    You see, I am in love with the idea of being in love. The sweet kind. But right now I am experiencing pain and agony, and no one will ever know except for you, and I know that I can't trust you, but I am anyways. I have to trust you because you are special, not in an "everybody's special!!" way, but in the fact that you care about me. I know you care, you have to care, or no one will. When no one cares about you, there is no need to live, because who do you live for?

     I feel it again, this tugging, this horrible feeling that brings me to my knees. This force, it isn't what you see on tv, it isn't sex, it isn't a 72 day marriage, it isn't even a fight between spouses. This is what I'm talking about. This is the ache that drains me of my will to live, yet gives me a new purpose to live. This is the feeling that runs throughout my entire body, only allowing me to fall for someone I know I can't be with. I can't do this any more. I can't go through with this, yet I must, or I die.