Where do you go?

Ch. 1: Four

Perrie's POV

The interview with GBM was actually really fun, well most of it. Until they started digging into our personal lives. Of course I'm not mad at them, it's their job. Its the territory. It always has been. I am actually grateful for all of their prodding and questions because they have turned me into an incredible actress after all these years. I have learned to smile and laugh when I'd rather cry and frown. It's the game, and I have became quite good at playing it.

As I ride in the car with the girls, I replay those words in my mind over and over.

"I'm not single" "Oh! It's just Perrie"

On the outside, I laughed hard. My eyes twinkled. I was the face of happy, but on the inside. Mhmmm, like I said. I have become quite good at playing the game. I knew it would happen eventually. Jade is, well Jade. She is sensationally beautiful. She has a way of looking so adorable, yet so sexy. No, that's not the right word. I can't say that about Jade. We're like sisters. She's smart, funny, kind, and beyond talented. Jade has a way of calming me down. Nobody understands me the way she does. I never want to lose her. That must be why my heart skipped when she first told me about Jed.

The girls haven't noticed how quiet I've became. They're so used to their sunshine. Their Pez, always peppy and always positive. I wish I could say it was all genuinely me these days, but that's a lie. It was easier when I wasn't the only single one in the group. I could slip my hand into Jade's petite hand and say something cute about "Jerrie" and the questions would be over. Now, her hand isn't waiting for mine. Her eyes do not search for mine in a crowded room anymore. I sit alone while the others gush about the men in their lives. I am happy for my friends. I truly am. They deserve happiness more than anyone else in the world. Jade promised me though. I know it was drunken promises exchanged over a box of pizza and two empty bottles of red wine, but somehow I believed her when she told me it would be us against the world. Being an "us" with Jade wasn't the worst place to be. In fact, I liked it a lot more than I wanted to admit.

All of the times I would hold her hand to weave through a crowd, or just hold it for no reason other than to be close to her. All of the times I would squeeze up to her for a good cuddle during movies. All of the times everyone pointed out how great we look together. At the time, I would just smile and bring Jade in for a warm hug. It all felt too normal for me.

Now, as I stare out the window, thinking of the past and fearing the new "normal", I feel lonely, but there is more. I have felt lonely before. This is all new to me. I can't quite explain it, and a part of me doesn't want to admit it, but I know it has something to do with Jade's newfound love. I gaze over at her. She's smiling at her phone now. Why do I feel this way? Why did Jade have to go and get a boyfriend? Why am I not as happy for her as I am Leigh and Jesy?

I have to admit it to myself. It's always been there.

I have feelings for Jade. More than friends. I think I always have. Well shit. This is going to get bad.