I Promised

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January to April,
I promised myself I would never do it,
I found something to use,
I was so sick of everything,
I had promised.

1 month later at the end of May,
So stressed I shake at night,
I do it again two nights in a row,
You notice and ask why and I cry,
I won't do it again I promise.

2 months later now July,
There are oceans where my eyes should be,
The first one is gone and replaced,
I move to my thigh to hide,
You don't know so I don't promise.

3 months later we're in October,
Scared and numb,
Sick of feeling nothing and everything,
I tell you and you freak out,
I'm so sorry and I promise.

4 months later we've reached January,
I've gone so long and done so well,
I spent days out of my body,
10 to bring me back,
I hope you're not awake and I promise.

2 weeks and the same month,
Drowning and suffocating in my mind,
19 to breathe and you don't know yet,
I cry the next day and you worry,
I don't know so I can't promise.

Two weeks after and it's February,
I'm struggling to keep my head above water,
It's so hard to try,
I want to stop but I'm still going,
I promise I'm trying but this I still can't promise.

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