The Monster Within

I can't pretend that I'm something I'm not. I cannot escape this horrible fate I have been handed. Since I was a child I have never had a 'normal' life. If I could go back in time and change what I have done I would but sadly, I can't. The things I have done are too horrendous and I have broken too many families to ever go back or be forgiven. Let's start at the beginning, before the regret.

It was a normal day, well as normal as it could get for me, and I was at my favourite place, Barney's bounce house. It was at my birthday and I having a wonderful time. Balloons and sweets were everywhere, my friends were laughing and enjoying themselves. The sudden feeling of emptiness had washed over me like the tide. I had felt like this for a few weeks, I thought I was just excited but it was much more than that. This feeling was going to change everything...

While my mum was bringing out my cake, my father had walked in. He was always late so I had gotten used to it. At the back of my mind I had always wanted to know why but I had never built up the courage to ask. Seeing my friends with both of their parents sometimes made me jealous because I could never be with both of my parents. Before I knew it jealousy had taken over my body and I started hearing dark, repetitive voices  telling me to make them suffer, so they would know what it felt like to be me. The only way to stop these voices was to do as they instructed.

I knew what I had to do and i knew why but even though I knew it was wrong the urges were too strong. Sometimes it's hard to tell dreams from a reality and it wasn't until the next day that I had realised it was real.

I could not remember what happened to make me do that until I had seen the seen the news on TV. I had seen what I had done and I had seen how I had affected people, but I couldn't shake this abnormally satisfying feeling. I finally felt complete. The rush of getting away with it was so exhilarating; it made me want to do it more.

Even though I felt some remorse for my friend, I began to feel like the decision I had made was the right one. By doing this the voices had stopped. At least that's what i thought. A few days had passed and the voices had returned. This time they sounded angry. I thought I had done what they asked of me but clearly i was mistaken. They kept telling me to make them all pay, to make them suffer...

I had decided to embrace my destiny. It was who I was meant to be. The following day I just followed the orders given by the voices. I vowed to make everyone pay. For them to pay for all of the jealousy and the hurt they had caused me. Everyday I felt a little more complete, but there would be more so I would start to feel empty. They were all dropping like flies, one by one, being weak and unable to beg for mercy. The life being drained out of them as i watched mercilessly. I had a thirst for blood and I wasn't going to satisfied until very last person had been obliterated.

This came naturally to me. It was my purpose in life, to get rid of those who made me suffer. Any shred of feelings or remorse was completely disregarded once I watched the first one drop. I loved the feeling of empowerment I got from it. Each day became less of a challenge for me. My parents never had any idea what their precious little daughter was up to, but then again, when did they ever take any notice of me or even listen.

One day I had worked up  the courage to ask my father why he was always late. He ignored me, pushed me aside, like he always did. I tried to warn him, to make him listen. But it was too late. I had instant regrets. I didn't mean to. He just wouldn't listen. I had to make him see. My mother had walked in. In the heat of the moment, she ended up exactly like my father, cold and lifeless. I tried to pretend like this was all a bad dream, that I would wake up and that my parents would be at the foot of my bed. I kept screaming 'Wake up! Wake up!' but it was useless. They were gone and they were never coming back.

I didn't mean to hurt them; I just wanted my father to answer me for once. But it turned into this. Yes, I had been plotting his demise for a long time but I was never going to do it and as for my mother, well she just got in the way. It was never suppose to be like this. I just couldn't help myself, it was the lifestyle I had. I let out a little cry but I got myself back up and just pretended like they were just another set of victims in my reign of terror. I felt so enraged with my actions. Some would say I was crazy, I just called it me. The monster within had been released and there was no controlling it. I didn't want just revenge, I wanted the whole world to feel the pain I did.

The old me had gone but the new me was even more psychotic...