Thinking About You {BoyxBoy}

Chapter Fifteen

As we made our plates, my mother spoke up. "So how have you boys been?"

"I've been fine, Mrs.Trior. Thank you." Luka gave her the best forced smile he could give before scooping some Mac n cheese onto his fork.

My second ex best friend just shrugged, smiling softly. "This is delicious." He said, clearly changing the subject.

"Thank you, sweetheart and Luka, my name is Erika!" My mother said, throwing a piece of half eaten bread at him.

He let out a little laugh and nodded.

"So Luka, your parents told me that they're leaving the city tomorrow for a bit. You're welcomed to stay here." The older woman smiled, taking a sip of her water.

Luka nervously looked at me, then back at my mother. "Th-"

"Don't bother ma, he's staying at Arlyn's." I said, stabbing my fork into the Caesar salad.

Mother tilted her head slightly, her eyes widening. She looked at Arlyn nervously then at me.

"What is it ma?" I sighed.

She shook her head and gave me a small, sad looking smile. "It's nothing, hun."

"Whatever." I pushed my chair back and got up, leaving the table.

"Berry, you're not don-"

I faced my mother, shrugging my shoulders. "I'm not hungry." Her face crumbled, a small frown on her lips. The look on her face painfully squeezed my heart but instead of being the nice child and returning to my seat to make mommy dearest happy, I went up to my bedroom.

A couple of minutes later, thing 1 and two 2 walked into my bedroom. "I guess we'll just head out now. I'll see you at school?" There was a little bit of hope laced in Luka's voice when he asked me the question. Little does he know is that I'm going to ask my mom if I can switch schools after this term.

Ignoring him, I curled up under the covers and turned off my lamp, leaving my room to be pitch black.

I heard a sigh. "Bye Berry, uh, I mean Berlyn." I can only imagine the sadness showing from his eyes and his upside down smile. Step by step they walked themselves out of my room and away from this house.

But before they fully left my room, I could've sworn I heard Arlyn say: "Goodbye, Strawberry."

Groaning, I hit my mattress. "I hate them so much." I mumble to no one in particular. Sitting up, I turned my lamp back on.

An envelope with my name on it caught my attention. It was placed right under the lamp itself so it wouldn't blow away.

I picked it up and stared at it for a second before getting up and tossing into the trash can.

"I don't care about your freaking apologies." I huffed, getting back into bed. "Forget this, I'm going to bed."

*

I tossed and turned, tossed and turned, tossed and turned. That's all I've been doing for the last couple of hours, I keep waking up because of my stupid curiosity to see what's written in that letter.

I know that if I read it, it'll probably hurt me more.

Why couldn't Arlyn not have sex with Luka. Where in their state of minds did they think that was okay? I miss having them around but I don't miss what they put me through.

For goodness sakes, I've known Arlyn since we were in diapers. He's my, well was, my best friend. We would always play in the park down the street around noon and act like foolish kids while our parents talked about God knows what. When he told me he was moving away, I was devastated. The day he left was the first day in awhile that I hadn't gone to the park. He was the only friend that I had, my first friend.

But he fucked up.

Luka, he was there when Arlyn wasn't. After Arlyn left, I was alone in school. Can you imagine a seven year old crying to himself every day for not having anybody else- him. But luckily Luka approached me and that was the start of something new. Every year we got closer and closer. Eventually the first year of high school came along and  we stick to each other like glue. We practically know everything about each other.

I think.

But now with the both of them gone, I'm that seven year old boy again. I don't need them in my life anymore, I don't need that kind of stressed, that kind of pain. I need to let them both go.

I felt the tears falling down my face as my heart aches painfully, my stomach full of butterflies. My chest felt tight and my shoulders felt heavy. The realization of being alone and letting go scares me. I like to be alone but not alone.

Getting up with my tear filled eyes, I grabbed the envelope in the trash can and ripped it open, setting myself down on my bean bag chair.

Dear Berry,
Is that how I should start this?
Hey, it's Arlyn.
..No.
Berry, listen.
Fuck, that sounds rude. Forget it, I'm moving on.

I don't even know if you're even going to bother reading this letter I'm writing to you. Why would you? I nearly killed you. I grabbed your heart, squeezed it and stepped on it without any care and it was wrong of me.

Damn it, writing isn't coming to me easy. That was kind of violent..I'm not perfect and we both know that. I potentially, actually, lost our friendship. I'm nothing but a painful memory to you, a painful reminder of the day you almost died.

Nope, you die. Once. You were in surgery and the doctor came out telling us that we lost you. When those were spoken I had to repeat it over and over again to make sure I was hearing right.

The thought of losing you made me think that I was going to die of a heartbreak. I was consumed with guilt, sadness and reality. You weren't going to come back, at least that's what I thought at that moment. I would've never got to tell you how sorry I was. My world crashed and burned because of those five knife stabbing words that went right through the heart.

But thankfully you were given another chance to live and I was given one lady chance to apologize. To make everything right and to most importantly, keep you happy.

That's why I'm moving back to Australia tonight. My flight leaves at midnight and you'll most likely be asleep while I'm gone.

Just know that I love you so very much, strawberry. I'm sorry that I couldn't tell you this earlier. I'm an ass, okay?  You deserved someone so much better than me, I'm nothing but a heartbreaker. A liar.

But do one thing for me, just one thing. Make up with Luka. Don't blame him for everything, I started it and he ended it. He truly is sorry, all he ever does is talk about you- not that I mind.

I personally think that Luka is secretly in love with you. He's a good guy, don't let him get away okay?

Starting now I want you to forget about me. Go on with your life and pretend as if I never existed. It's better that way.

This letter is getting long, too long. I only wanted to write a paragraph or two. You know me, I'm anything but a writer.

So now, I guess this is the part I say goodbye. Wow, this is hard. I'm going to fucking miss you like crazy. But this is for the best. I'm always going to remember you. How could I not?

Goodbye, Berlyn. I love you. Always have & always will.
                                                        Arlyn.~
*************************************
A/N: CLIFFHANGER, HA! What do you think Berlyn's going to do? Is he going to let him go? Or will he chase after him? You know, like one of those cliché and cheesy scene thingy where the character runs after their lover. Running in the rain, tears running down their face, yelling, screaming, breakdown, takes a cab, gets there too late but then BAM! Their lover pops out of nowhere and is just standing there, waiting to see if their loved one would've came. Then their eyes meet and the sad little character runs to their  lover, jumps in their arms and kiss.

Eh, who knows right?

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