In My Head

Problems (Larissa)

I've got a serious problem. I'm a lesbian, but I try not to let anyone know. So far no one knows, but I can't live like this forever. I have a crush on a girl named Emma. 

She may be the most beautiful person I have ever seen. She has lovely grey eyes. They're the kind of eyes that you can look into and see right past them, into their soul. Don't be weirded out, because it's in a good way. She has a round little doll face, and every time I see her I want to pinch her little cheeks. She has the most beautiful golden blonde hair. It looks like golden fire. 

I saw her this morning. When I see her, my face lights up. I hope no one noticed. I think I blushed. Anyways, when I saw her, she was crying. My face fell. If she was happy, I was happy. If she was sad, I was sad. 

"Larissa!" Jenny shouted. Oh shit, I just zoned out. I answered her,"yes?"

"You weren't paying attention. I just gave you the answers to the math test!" I told her I didn't need them because I was smart.

"Oh yeah. I forgot you're in a different class," she frowned. I knew she hated when I 1 up her. She's the kind of person who likes to be on the same level as everybody else. Sometimes she makes me feel like she's way bigger than me and puts me down. But, sometimes best friends do that, because that's what they're for. I think. 

I haven't had any other best friend. She's been with me my whole life and I can't change that. I've gotten used to her ways and she's gotten used to mine, but lately we've kind of been being bitches to each other. Sometimes she makes me feel so bad that I just want to throw myself off the face of the earth. I probably do the same to her. We never talk about it.