Lessons On Love

4: The Idiot Or The Other Idiot

            The scene was over within a few seconds.

            Marshall stood on one side of the fence and I stood on the other... holding up his pair of pants. I waved them in the air. “If you want these, you’re going to have to come back.”

            He blinked at me – stared down at his boxers. “Nah. I’m good like this.” Then he turned around and leisurely started walking away assuming I wouldn’t climb up the fence with the type of shoes I was wearing.

            He was right.

            Which pissed me off.

            I was used to dancing for hours on high heels so running wasn’t a problem, but climbing up a fence was a different story and I wasn’t going to risk getting my ankles twisted. “Wait!” I shouted. “You can’t go.” He kept walking. “Wait! Please! I need your help. Marshall, please. I’m...  begging you.”

            He stopped, and for a moment, the world seemed to have paused for me. Marshall had halted in his tracks, silence had filled the air, and not even the cheerful chirpings of the May birds dared to interrupt me when I spoke.

             “Do you know how stars are born?” I asked. “From an explosion. From pain. Nobody ever said that being great was easy and my entire life, people have always tried to pull me down. People are messed up you know – they can never like anyone just the way they are. If you’re too smart, you’re a nerd. If you’re too talented, you’re a show-off. If you’re too pretty, you’re a slut. If you’re too unique, you’re a freak, and even when you’re too normal, there’s something wrong with you. You’re too boring.”

            “All my life, I’ve been subjected to that kind of prejudice. I was always the girl that all the teachers praised, all the parents wished their daughter was, all the boys would kiss the ground for, and because of that, the people who I thought were my best friends secretly sabotaged me behind my back." I laughed. "Girls can be so cruel when they want to be.”

            “Then there came a time,” I continued, “when it got so bad that the only way I could keep going was by pushing everyone away from me. It wasn’t that much of a lost. All they ever did was hindered or hurt me anyways, but recently, I realized I can’t be like that anymore.” I pushed a lock of black hair behind my ear before raising my eyes. There was no use hiding anything from him.

            “In order to accomplish my dream of becoming a Broadway actress, I need to be well rehearsed in every emotion possible, and the one that I’m missing is love. I’ve locked my heart up so long ago that I don’t even remember what it feels like to be really close to someone – to depend on them, to share all of my secrets with. I just... I just want to learn how to open up my heart again. Teach me that and show me what love means.”

            Marshall slowly turned around and peered at me. “My answer is still no. I get where you’re coming from, and I understand what you want me to do, but I... I can’t do it.”

            “Why?” I shouted.

            “It’s just...” He groaned and reached up to ruffle his hair – apparently at a loss for words. “How do I put this? Look, you said you wanted to learn more about love, right? Well here’s a free lesson. This is the first rule to falling in love.” Marshall walked up to me before lowering his face toward mine – so close that my skin could taste his breath – so close that the only thing separating us was the fence. “You don’t get to choose the person you fall in love with.”

             It was the first time I realized how beautiful and catastrophic his eyes were – a vivid baby blue that softly melted into a milky green ring that surrounded both his pupils. At that moment, I wasn’t sure what hit me more, his eyes or the truthness inside his words, but I somehow found the courage to raise my chin and glare down at him.

            “Well you obviously don’t know me very well,” I said. “I’m Camila Jones. I break all the rules.” 

            He shook his head before pulling away and turning his back to me once more. “Forget it. It’s impossible to get through to you.”

            “Wait!! Please don't leave!”

            “You don’t even get the most basic thing,” he shouted. “I’m not the guy you’re supposed to fall in love with! Even if you force it, it won’t happen! It’s just going to end up being a waste of time.”

            And even though I knew it wasn’t going to work, I still screamed it. “I’ll pay you,” I yelled. “I’ll even pay you! Then you don’t have to care whether I fall for you in the end or not, and you’ll get something so it won’t be a waste of your time. Just treat it like a part-time tutoring job – the subject: love.”

            I was so embarrassed after. What kind of self-righteous person would–

            “What... what did you say?” Like a rusted robot head, Marshall’s head slowly turned around. “Did you say money? Like, how much are we talking here?”

            I couldn’t believe it. All this chasing around, all this effort, all this time, and all I had to do was wave a couple of paper bills in his face. “You know,” I mumbled slowly, “I don’t mean to be judgemental after that long speech I pulled, but you really are just as big of a whore as they say you are.”