phobias

Aquaphobia

My whole life is one big irony. Reason? I'm the type of person to find the beauty in everything. Soft morning mist, the chirping of birds before they start their hunt, even the clickity-clack of those old keyboards. Same goes for water. I love the soft glow of early dusk sun on water, the reflective patterns of ripples and waves. I adore the waves crashing on a sandy beach, the distinct smell of seaweed filling up my senses. I cherish whenever I see a waterfall sprinkle up sprays of happiness and a rainbow forms. I just love it all. Where's the irony in that? My love for the ocean and water maybe vast like itself, but God help me if I ever had to go and swim in water.

It was a fear that was born out of the childhood inability to swim. Snickers and pointed fingers in class and letters from my parents every time the class took a trip to the beach, explaining to keep me as far away from the water as possible, gradually turned into this drastic phobia of water and the things that could happen to me underwater.

So it really was my greatest misfortune to be dragged to the new famed cruise heading out to the deep sea by my best friends. Their begging and pleading immediately hit my soft side and I couldn't refrain myself from not joining them, promising myself to stay as far away from the water as I can.

The cruise was luxurious. A live band, mouthwatering dishes and pretty people everywhere, it was wonderful. I took many pictures and had a lot of fun with my friends. Perhaps there was something in the food because as I chatted with my friends while boldly leaning over the railings, I felt tipsy. The music seemed distant and drowned out, the babble like a soft thumping against my ears. Pretty soon I couldn't comprehend what nonsense they were saying and I began to sway.

I hear someone shriek my name before I fell backwards and splashed right into the one thing I'd been trying to avoid all night.

I was aware of the lack of oxygen in my lungs, my body started convulsing. My heart thumped in my chest and my throat collapsed. I was flailing around, my hair swirling around me like I banshee's. I could feel water on every inch of my body and the pressure of the water feels terrible against my chest, i feel as if im going to suffocate. im dying im dying im gonna die my body will float up all because i had too much beef that was probably drugged and oh shit my chest bruns and i feel as if im being squeezed into a black hole because there is no possible way i will make out of this alive. 

My senses are rushed into hypersensitivity and all im aware of for a nanosecond is something wrapping around my leg and dragging me down, a movement so swift, i can feel my hair whip in the water. I freeze, stop to stare around me, my eyes ennlargening to try and seek out the thing that dragged me out here.The only sound i can hear is the boom of my heart and for an eternity, it goes silent. Like ink mixing in with water, soft music swims around me, the voice dragging me down much more than the sea creature did, for it is so alluring and melodious, I would be a sure idiot not to follow i-

I can hear my name.

i look up, to the sun reflecting off the waves of the sea, the outline of the boat just barely visible and i should be floating up by now but why arent I why cant I just oh my god how have i not died yet the water in my lungs feel as if it's sand dragging me down to the depths of hell. everything is fading and i know im gonna black out and thisis just so goddamn ironic dying while drowning if i wasnt on the verge of being sent straight to hell for my sins i would be laughing my ass off but all i can do is feebly try to swim up before i black out.

When i come to, I'm drenched and i feel someone pushing forcefully on my chest, salty seawater is dribbling down my throat, and the oxygen in my lungs feel wonderful but my throat oh my it's filled with sickening dust and scratched raw and how am i still alive my friends are hugging me and all i can think is im alive holy shit im not dead look! look at the birds flying! i can see green plants! oh im soaking wet but who cares the sun feels so good on my skin! before i lay back still smiling and thanking god that i didnt die and the same luring music i heard down deep fills me up again and the world slows down and i can see everything and the last thing i remember is my friends looking at me funny before i start screaming.