Did You Forget?

*Chapter 1*

"But what about my messy hair, my brown, common, unoriginal eyes, my horrible sense of humour, my weird habbits..." I said, nearly crying. He took my face in this hands and said "What about all that? You're perfect."

That was three years ago, two days before Tom, my boyfriend died in a car accident. I guess I should have moved on by now, I should have found someone else that could make me happy. But I can't, and it's not that I haven't tried, God knows I have, it's just is impossible. Those words "you're perfect" replay in my head every single day. And trust me, it's hard to move on when that's all you can think about.

The first months of not having Tom with me were really tough. I drank all the time, I self harmed, I did things I wish I didn't do. I even attempted suicide. To be honest, I can't even make out what actually happened the first year without Tom. But then I stopped, I thought about what Tom would think if he saw me doing this. He would have not be proud to see me like that. Tom is the only reason I stopped drinking and self harming. He has helped me through it, even though he was the reason I started doing those things.

I've been on dates with some boys as well, because I thought that's what Tom would like, to see me happy, even if it is with someone else. But I can't fall in love with anyone without thinking of him. I can't even kiss someone without thinking about him, the way he kissed me, the way he used to tell he was only mine and I was only his.

And I haven't only gone on dates to try to get over him. I went to a therapist for nearly a year, but that didn't really help me either. They just told me everything was going to be okay, that I would eventually forget about him, they said what everyone else says. That 'they understand you' when they've never been through what you have been through. That 'everything will be okay" but they don't tell you when or how it will be okay.

At least I have a job, I can get on with my life now and I am okay, I am over it, I can on with my life. At least, that's what people think, or want to think.