A Pathetic Excuse For A Love Letter (Larry, collab w/ thelifeofpablo)

2: Straight People - The Greatest Evil Of All (potatoyoghurt)

Louis finds himself feeling just that little bit homosexual. This is nothing of an unusual occasion for Louis, as he is somewhat of an, at least school renowned, homosexual.

However on this particular day, the reason as to why he finds himself struck with such feelings of perhaps overwhelmingly intense homosexuality is for somewhat of a defense mechanism, which does indeed sound innately odd, but the situation that Louis finds himself in is indeed innately odd.

Upon this particular day, he is wearing his homosexuality like some form of body armour: speaking protection against the greatest evil of all, which is of course, straight people, and to Louis himself particularly, straight girls: the straight girls at school that haven't quite caught on to the fact that he's a massive twink and he's not exactly making much in the way of an effort to hide it.

Unfortunately, there is this particular straight girl at school, who seems to be more than a little... let's say... obsessed with the idea, because it is of course going to be nothing more than an idea, of her and Louis dating, or kissing, or involving themselves in anything of a vaguely romantic nature.

And her name, is Banana Jungleworm.

Well, it's not, but in truth, Louis isn't exactly sure what the fuck her name is. Bryara? Briana? Brioche? Who knows?

And the thing is that her name is perhaps the last thing on Louis' mind, as he finds himself far more concerned with the matter of avoiding her, because the thing is, that Briana is in his health class.

And the other thing is, that him and Briana happened to be paired up together for a certain project in that class, which is something that Louis had absolutely no say in whatsoever, and was actually done alphabetically... and somehow, God decided that he hates Louis Tomlinson enough to ensure that there is no one else in their health class with a surname beginning with the letters J to T... it's kind of a small class.

Louis already knows that the lesson he faces as he stands in the corridor, feeling excessively homosexual, just to make a point to himself, is going to be nothing good: for one, Briana is rather terrible at being discreet when it comes to her crush on Louis, and Briana is also rather slow to the point where she'd still think Louis to be straight and/or interested in her, even if he was walking around sucking some dude's dick with the colours of the rainbow tattooed across his entire body. There is, of course, also the matter, that group projects in health class have never been known to be anything besides a horrible experience for anyone involved.

His only comfort is that the school have banned those life like baby dolls due to an incident involving some kid taking it on a ferry, and managing to leave it in France, only to have it posted back to the school by some French guy who had enclosed a note detailing how he had he had accidentally pissed on the thing- or something along those lines, as the note was in French, after all, and the French department is nowhere near as good as the school made it out to be.

Louis finds himself saying a quick prayer to the lord God above in heaven as the bell rings throughout the school, leaving him to say goodbye and cry a little inside as he does so, to his best friend, Luke Hemmings, another homosexual. Their friendship is so strong due to the fact that those who are gay together, stay together- not that Louis and Luke had engaged in intimate gay activities together - they are simply rather homosexual in the presence of one another, or something like that.

Louis stands for a moment and watches as Luke disappears down the corridor towards geography. Fucking geography. Louis knows he should have taken geography, because when facing Briana Jungleworm and a horrific group project, he suddenly finds himself absolutely enthralled by the mere concept of the rock cycle, and accepts it as the truest wonder of the world.