You Let Your Family Die

Trip Down Memory Lane

It's been six years since the most tragic incident of my life... Still it feels like it was only yesterday. I can't seem to shake the dark memories from my mind. They are always there, eating away like a disease. I will not let them break me. Most of all, I will not let him break me. All of it was the Joker's doing. Sometimes I still hear his sadistic laughs in the middle of the night as I wake up in a cold sweat. And I see that... that malicious smile and those malevolent eyes that pierce right through your soul. I have never felt fear quite like it in my entire life. The Joker knew that.

I snap out of my thoughts and kneel down and place some red roses onto Jason's grave. After all, this time, it still doesn't get any easier. It took a couple years of therapy for me to get my life back on track. Me and the others miss him so much, a part of all of us is empty. He has left a hole in my heart. I wish I could have saved him. I was supposed to die that night too, we almost got away the both of us, he was just too injured to save himself. The Joker beat him with a crowbar while I had to watch. I will always remember how I used all the strength I had to get him out of there. Jason realised that me helping him was only slowing me down so he pushed me out of the warehouse. By the time I got back up he had fallen to the ground. I wasn't fast enough... The warehouse exploded with Jason still inside. I watched as the flames reached for the sky. And I have to live with that guilt for the rest of my life. Not even Bruce was fast enough to come to our aid. He feels just as responsible for Jason's death as I do, if not more. Things just haven't been the same ever since then.

"Hey Jason, it's Amelia. It has been six years today. Where has the time gone?" I swallow hard the lump in my throat, holding back my tears as best as I can. "I miss you so much, not a day goes by that I don't wish you were still with us. Sleep tight angel." My nose sniffles as I speak to his gravestone. It's not that I have run out of words to say, it is just too painful right now. After all, it is his anniversary.

I visit his grave quite often, making sure it is maintained. Mostly I come because it is the only way I can still talk to him. It brings me comfort, even though it is me doing all the talking. In the beginning, part of me always thought he would surprise me and I'd hear his voice. But that is the harshness of reality. I'm the only one that really comes to visit him. Everyone else is slowly moving on with their lives while mine is at a standstill. There was something between me and him, we just didn't get the chance to take it further. Bruce lost a son. Dick lost a brother and I lost my first love.

As I turn around to leave after just standing there in silence for ten minutes, I am faced with Dick. He looks well. I'm glad to see that he's doing alright. Or at least, that's how he appears to be. Which is more than what I can say for myself.

"Hey, there stranger." I am the first to speak. He seems glad to see me too. I must admit I miss having him around.

"It's been a while." I notice a smile forming at the corner of his mouth. He opens up his arms and I wrap my arms around him tight. Sharing our grief and pain.

I pull away when I realise I held onto that hug for much longer than I should have. Both of us look to Jason's grave.

"Bruce told me you were here, so I came to see how you were doing. That and I wanted to just say a few words." He tells me and I nod.

"I'm doing just fine. How about you? What brings you back to Gotham? Other than Jason." I put on a smile, knowing fine well he will see right through it. But if I keep telling myself that I'm fine, maybe, just maybe I'll start to believe it.

"Would you believe it if I told you I'm feeling a little homesick?" He confesses and I am surprised by what he has told me. How could you possibly miss a city like this? A city of decay and death.